2009 is over!

2009 was a BUSY year. After all it was the first full year I spent with my little scooter bugs! Where to start?!


Dawson was only 8 days old when the New Year began, so we have come a LONG way since Jan 1, 2009.

Dawson started eating solids, sitting up, playing, rolling, crawling, pulling up, standing, creeping, and then walking. He talks now. He screams and laughs. He has hair now. He’s 31 and a quarter inches tall. He’s 22lbs. He’s the light of my life and my heart beats for him. He’s amazing! We went from newborn clothes to 12-18 month clothes. We took him to the zoo, aquarium, the children’s museum, the beach and countless shopping trips. He is on all table foods now. He drinks from a sippy cup and just yesterday we started the transition to real milk. He’s in shoes now. We avoided these until December 2009, but now he’s walking and needs them. He’s learned what “No” means, and he even can say it, but he doesn’t like listening to it. He’s really grown into the most amazing child I have ever met. I have the privilege of being his mom and that’s amazing.

Daniel started a new job at a new fire department. His “dream job” so to speak. The schedule has been a rough adjustment, but we’re doing it. He’s grown into the finest father I know except for his dad. He’s got big shoes to fill, but he’s well on his way. Dawson is lucky.

As for me, I started a new job this year too, and it’s proven to be an adjustment. It’s not everything I thought it would be and at the same time it’s more than I thought it would be too. I have discovered that it’s lonely at the top. I wish I hadn’t found this out so soon, but what can you do?! I have turned into a full fledged mom. I go to bed early, get up early, make sure there is always food in the house for the baby and am always shopping to pick up something or another. I love it. It’s wonderful!

We are truly looking forward the 2010 as a family of 3! I can’t wait to see what the next year holds for us. Happy New Year to you and yours!

D's 12 month appointment and update on our sleeping habits.

So I consider D to be pretty healthy, he eats okay, is really active and happy and generally a healthy normal child. So when I took him to his one year check up I didn't expect the doctor to tell me that he's underweight...um he's 22lbs?!?! That's not underweight, but she says he's in the 30% for weight and 90% for height and he's fallen off his curve for his weight. So I have to take him back for a weight check in 6 weeks, and I'll tell you this whole thing has made me a little nuts. I started to plan menus for him and was going to start packing his lunch and breakfast for the sitter and make her keep a food diary...and then I decided that he's tripled his birth weight, I'm not a big person and when I was child I wasn't either. Dawson is fine. I think, right?!

Now we WERE sleeping through the night, with D in his crib and I was SOOOOOO excited about it. If you're famaliar we've really struggled with sleep the last year...and then I came down with a cold, and D got it and now he has his 4th ear infection in a month and a cold and won't sleep longer than a couple of hours in his crib and then he's up for an hour or so and then will only go back down with me. I'm really upset about it. I just got him sleeping on his own in his crib like a week ago and now this. It effing figures.

Sippy cups, FORGET it. D REFUSES to drink from one unless he's just playing around or it's dinner time. Forget putting his milk in one, he's not having it. All he does is scream. We're going to try again this weekend, I don't expect anything different. We'll see.

Happy 1st Birthday my little scooter bugs!

When you're pregnant, everyone (and I do mean everyone) has a story to tell. But the real story is what's going to happen to you as a person the moment you give birth. Let's be honest, when you're pregnant with your first child you have NO idea what to expect. You learn, quickly and inbetween the stress of being a new mom you grow. I think every day I learn something new, and grow as a person. I watch my son, who I brought into this world, and I think how did he learn so much in one year?! Well he grew, and we taught him. How amazing is it to be able to say that I taught my son. He's taught us too. I now truly understand the meaning of love. And motherhood is the greatest lesson I've ever learned. I'm not perfect and I will never pretend to be perfect, but over the last year a lot of my flaws have melted away. I have patience, I'm kind for no reason, I'm happy because I'm truly deep down inside happy. I'm forgiving and understanding. That's what I've become over the last year because of him. I love him so much that most of the petty stuff in life doesn't matter anymore. If he's healthy and happy than so am I. I could go on and on about how wonderful it is being his mother...but today's about him. And let me tell you, Dawson Lee is a little ball of energy, he's smiling all the time. He rarely cries and over the last year he's learned to smile, roll, crawl, stand, and walk. He talks, he screams, he laughs, he's absolutely a mother's dream, and to me he's perfect.

I almost bought a onsie that said "Mommy was in a world of hurt this time last year..." and you know what I was, but it was worth it. I may have been in pain, but my heart was growing twenty times it's size and I'll never be the same woman I was a year ago. Now I'm a mom and he's my son and it's his birthday and I can't believe he's here and grown to be an entire year old. I can't wait for the next 60 years with him!

Catch Up

So Dawson’s party was awesome! Tons of toys that he didn’t need, but he loves them. After Christmas I will be doing a massive cleaning up of his toys and putting away the old ones and only keeping the new ones out with batteries that work! I do have pictures, but unfortunately I mostly only update from work and I don’t have my USB cord with me. I’ll try to remember to bring it but that’s doubtful. It’s hard enough getting out the door with my stuff, Dawson and all his stuff too.


2nd interesting bit: We are on night 3, day 4 of D sleeping exclusively in his crib. Saturday night he did okay, I was up probably 5 times from 10pm-9am laying D back down and giving him his bottle. 2nd night, not very good at all, and sparing you the details, at 4:30am he was in bed with me until 6:30 when I had to get him up to go to the sitters. Last night, better. I think I was up 3 times until around 2 and then he slept until 6:30. One of the times all I had to do was go in and lay him back down and he went right back to sleep. He’s only drinking about 2 oz of an 8 oz bottle whereas before last week he was drinking the entire 8 oz and then some. So I know he’s not hungry anymore at night. So after we get this sleeping in the crib thing down, we’ll be weaning the overnight feeing and with any luck, one year and plus some after D was born I will FINALLY get a full night’s sleep.

Dawson is HORRIBLE with transition. I was doing the bottle to sippy cup transition and he gets soooo mad and cries and cries and cries, so we’re doing the mom bed to crib transition, then the no overnight feeding transition and finally the bottle to sippy transition in that order. I can’t fight him on everything and I can’t take away his comfort zones on everything all at once. So it’ll be rough, but that’s just what we’ve got to do.

3rd interesting bit: Took D to see Santa and he screamed. Exactly what I expected and I did get the timeless first Santa picture complete with a screaming child and all.

We’ve got our one year check up on Monday, which means Dawson will probably be off the formula forever. Which is okay with me, milk is cheaper and although I don’t think he eats enough now, I’m hoping that when we make the change he’ll eat more and be on a better schedule as far as meals go. Right now and since he was born life has revolved around bottles and instead of a paci he comforts himself with one. I do frequently give him water in his bottle, and he doesn’t like juice, so I’m hoping we’ll be on our solid 3 meals a day and some snacks in between. It’ll be nice to pick up and go without having to worry about formula and all that it brings…

Ignore my last post!

Thank goodness!!! No accumulation expected!!! Sorry for starting my last post with a cusre word. Can you tell that I write the same way that I think?

Something always goes wrong, always!

Shit! You’ve got to be effing kidding me. So if you aren’t aware, I live in Upstate, South Carolina…where it NEVER snows and when it does the entire state shuts down. I mean seriously, ½ an inch of snow (which is never actually snow and almost always ice) means no school, no work, nothing’s open…period. So I get the lovely message today that it’s supposed to snow tomorrow, 1-4 inches. Dawson’s party is on Saturday!!! He’s screwed  and I’m devastated. Please pray that it doesn’t snow.

Birthday Planning

So Dawson’s FIRST birthday party is this Saturday…and I’m super excited, but kind of sad too…I mean my little baby will be one entire year old on the 23rd, and that’s only 8 days away! I have all these mixed emotions about it, and that’s probably contributing to my baby fever (although I was with a 2 month old baby last night and had NO desire to have another right now.) Anyway, it seems like yesterday I was in dreadful awful pain, having a much shorter labor than I had ever anticipated (3 hours!) and pushing this incredible human into this world. And my first thought was how amazing God is for allowing people to be parents. He must really have it right, this is love. If you don’t know love after having a child, you must not be human…seriously. I had NO idea how my heart would burst with emotion for my son. SERIOUSLY.


And now I have the honor and privilege of watching him literally walk out of his baby year into his first toddler year. Amazing does not begin to describe it. Speaking of walking, it seems like just yesterday I was helping him roll over and finding the greatest joy out of it when he finally did it…then he crawled and he hasn’t slowed down since! Now he’s walking and screaming and laughing and playing and just turning into this wonderful little boy. My wonderful little boy. What did I do right in my life to deserve this?!

Now back to the party planning. If you’re a normal reader of my blog, no doubt you’ve seen his little fire truck invitations (Thanks Again, Janell!) and you know we’re having the party at one of the fire departments that Daniel has been associated with. It’s going to be very laid back and mostly family and close friends who’ve been there from the beginning and since D isn’t in daycare he doesn’t have that many little friends. So here’s what I have so far:

Table Cloths

Table Toppers

Cupcakes (I don’t have them yet, but they will be ready by Saturday)

Ribbon Pull Pinata

Plates

Napkins

What I need:

Pizza (pick it up on Saturday before the party)

Candy for the piñata

Drinks

Veggie Tray

Fruit Tray

Chips and various other snacks…

And here’s the problem, the various other snacks, what snacks do I need? I could do chex mix….but since there’s pizza I just need snacks….Any advice?

Physical relationship...

If you'd rather not read about my intimate relationship with my husband click off this page...you've been warned.

Now I think it was pretty obvious in a couple of posts ago that I've been struggling with sex. I haven't been enjoying it.I've literally been forcing it and Daniel knew it. It was rough. Our marriage was truly suffering...well I'm happy to report that I had amazing sex with my husband last night! Seriously that was the first time since probably before I was pregnant with D...so almost 2 years. I forgot how much fun sex could be. It's great! And yes this was with my husband...

Baby Fever!

It's hit me, I've been bitten b the baby fever bug. It probably doesn't help that a lot of people that had babies when I had Dawson are pregnant again...but Daniel won't even entertain the idea until July of 2011. Which is fine, I don't really want another baby, I just want the excitement that a baby brings.when are you thinking of adding another?

This will probably piss some people off....

I don’t know how else to say this, but to just say it. It pisses me off when Mom’s of girls act like their child is better than mine b/c I had a boy. I don’t know if bothers me so much b/c being the mother of a boy is the most amazing wonderful experience of my life, or if I feel guilty b/c I never thought I’d be so happy to have a little boy. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew in my heart from that very moment that Dawson was in fact a boy, but I forced myself to remain “optimistic” that I would have a girl. Well lo and behold at our 20 week ultrasound, D was all boy. I’ll admit I was upset about it. I couldn’t believe I wasn't getting my little girl, it wasn’t fair! God must have had some kind of agenda towards me….he must hate me for giving me a boy. What the hell was I going to do with a son, all I’d ever wanted was a little girl. And I gradually got used to the idea. And the day HE was born, my heart knew that I was meant to be the mom of a wonderful SON. I can’t tell you how amazing my child is, but what I can tell you is there is no way in hell, in any given way, that you love your daughter more than I love my son.


I have a friend who has a daughter and she’s constantly making comments about how having a daughter is wonderful and that she couldn’t handle having a boy, etc….and one of her friends is having a girl, and she’s always talking about how glad she is that her friend isn’t having another boy…Are boys the plague? Is there something wrong with them? Is this country the opposite of China and we don’t want boys? I don’t understand. Let me assure you, my son is loving and wonderful and he holds my whole heart. I couldn’t love 3 girls as much as I love my one boy. Does he have cute clothes, hell yes he does, but they aren’t pink and he can’t wear bows in his hair.

I have another friend who has 2 boys and one girl, and I can tell you that I’ve witnessed on more than one occasion that her daughter is clearly favored. But that could be b/c she’s the baby, I don’t know.

I work with a girl that is pregnant with a girl, and everyone acted like it was amazing that she was having this girl…my question to her was, is the baby healthy? Seriously why does it matter if it’s a girl or a boy if it’s a healthy baby? Will you not love a boy like you do a girl?

What I do know is that I love my son, and I don’t want sympathy looks and conversations from people b/c of it. I love him, I praise him, he has my soul. Just b/c you have a girl doesn’t mean that you joined some illicit club that only moms to girls can be in. Trust me, as parents, we all know the trials and tribulations parenthood brings, but having one sex over the other, doesn’t change the experience.

I know firsthand what it’s like to have a son and desperately desire a girl…and let me tell you…when I think about my 2nd child, I don’t care if I have a boy or a girl, as long as I have a healthy child who is happy.

And let me be clear, not all or even most Moms of girls act this way, but it is something I've noticed in some...and it does piss me off when it happens. It's as if they are saying " You're child isn't good enough, he's a boy..."

She was right, this book is AMAZING!!

Karen, you are a lifesaver!


On my last post Karen suggested a book and I immediately went and picked it up. I can tell you I’m only on chapter 3, but I can already tell this is exactly what I’ve been looking for. I highly suggest this book to any new mom, whether you have 1, 2, or 5 children. If you’re feeling spread too thin and like a failure (see last post) you NEED this book!! It’s “I was a really good mom before I had Kids” written by Trisah Ashworth and Amy Nobile. I can’t put it down and I’ve already ordered “Dirty Little Secrets.” Thanks again, Karen!

Putting it out there...

Okay, I’m just going to put it out there….and anyone that disagrees with me or doesn’t believe me…is WRONG* Seriously, I’m not normally like this, but after 11 months, I can tell you FOR SURE, with 100% certainty that having a baby puts one hell of a strain on your marriage. There, I’ve admitted it. I’m being honest….and I’m here to tell you that your marriage CAN survive this strain, but you have to be honest about it and admit that it’s happened. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my son with my life, I wouldn’t take anything in the world for him, and he’s worth every amount of marital strain. But, after ignoring this growing problem for 11 months, my marriage was on the verge of falling apart, and I had to combat it. The first step was admitting that I had literally let my marriage fall to the wayside, while trying to be the perfect parent. Seriously. I had/have (not sure I’m over this yet) this image of a “text book” mom and I wouldn’t/couldn’t be satisfied until I was her. Well, I’ll NEVER be that person. I’ll say this, I consider myself to be a damn good mom. My child is happy, healthy, loved and I put every ounce I have into parenting him. I’ve put myself under so much stress of trying to live up to this textbook parent that I took the fun out of being a mom. I’ve literally cried myself to sleep thinking I was ruining my child b/c he fell off the bed, or b/c I had to walk out of the room when I was frustrated with him. I was focusing so much attention on being this parent that I couldn’t focus on ANYTHING else, let alone my marriage. Now, my husband has been great through all of this. He’s been attempting to ignore the problem too, but eventually no one can ignore the obviously very large issue of not working on my marriage and totally ignoring that I’m married. Thank goodness I realized this before it was too late, and now my marriage is, once again, a work in progress.


Sex, well that’s VERY DIFFICULT with a child in the house….for most people. Now, I’ll tell you, I do have issues with my vajayjay now. I just very recently learned that I actually had a 4th degree cut/tear when I gave birth, and sex is still painful. On top of being painful, I’ve had a really hard time with my vagina being viewed as anything other than a birth place. I know that this is nuts, but being a mom made my sex drive go lower than low, it’s past non existent, it’s like it was never around in the first place. This is something that I have to work on , and it’s currently a work in progress. I never realized how important sex is to a marriage til there wasn’t any. Ladies, any advice I can give you is keep giving it up to your man, even when you don’t want to. Sex is HUGE in a marriage. Even if no one wants to admit it, it is.

Personal time totally flies out the window the day you give birth. Not joking! And for 11 months I forgot to take MY time…and it’s caught up with me, so now I’ll be taking my time often. At least once a couple of weeks. I’m still a person and I need to be able to have my own personal time to do whatever I want to do. Even if it’s just take a nap or watch a movie. And, I’m not talking time to clean the bathroom or do laundry, I’m talking time to get a pedicure or go shopping or watch what I want on TV. Cleaning the house and cooking dinner and taking care of chores and running errands is NOT personal time. Remember to take a break when you need one.

Lastly, communicate with your man. I literally hid all of the above for 11 months from my husband…I even hid the fact that I had post partum depression from him, and hid my meds. I don’t know why, I guess I thought he would judge me and tell my MIL who before I even gave birth told me PPD wasn’t real and it was an excuse women used not to be a good parent. Well, surprise surprise, she’s WRONG. PPD is real and I had it and I’ve beat it…but I hid it from my husband b/c I was scared of the judging I would get. That was stupid of me, and not something I’ll do again. If I’m going to have a strong marriage, I must communicate openly and honestly and about EVERYTHING with my man. So that’s my goal.

So to sum it up, here’s my list of goals:

1. Remember I’m married and work on my marriage the way that I did prior to having a baby.

2. Take personal time when I need it, and don’t feel guilty about it.

3. Have a healthy active sex life, even if I don’ t want to.

4. Communicate openly.

So all of the above is totally achievable, but you have to not feel guilty about it. Guilt is what has kept me in this rut the last 11 months. I thought I was being selfish and a bad mom when I did any of the above.I thought if I took the time to work on my marriage then my child would be neglected, or if I went shopping for a few hours, then I was being a bad mom for not spending that time with my child. But, when I get a break and have time to enjoy my husband or get a pedicure without having to worry about bottles and food and naps and baths, etc...I am a better mom. I can’t neglect myself, my husband, or my child, but I can take the time for all 3 to be the best they can possibly be.

*okay, you may not be wrong, but you are in the smallest minority ever, the more I talk about this, the more I realize it's TOTALLY normal.

We are now on our THIRD antibiotic in 3 weeks for the same effing ear infection. Next week I'm demanding an ENT referral!

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year more than any year I have an abundance to be thankful for...At the very top of my list is my amazing, healthy, loving and now WALKING (took off yesterday!) Son. Ill spare you all the emotions of how much I love him, but I am beyond thankful for him. Now, I can't wait to go eat turkey and dressing and mac and cheese and pumpkin pies! And I know Dawson is going to love it too!

11 months

Wow, in exactly 2 minutes, my child will be 11 months old...how freaking crazy is that?!?!? 2 years ago, we started the TTC (trying to conceive) process, and now we have an 11 month old. An 11 month old who has changed my life in every way, an 11 month old who has taught me the meaning of a mother's love...and an 11 month old who is my heart and soul. Being a mom is the single greatest achievment of my life, and I am so blessed and honored to be able to raise my child.

Happy 11 months, Dawson!

48 hours...

In the last 48 hrs Dawson has had 2 firsts...first ear infection diagnosed Tuesday, first ER trip just now. My child who never cries woke up SCREAMING for 2 hours...so up the road I went. Of course Daniels on shift how convienent. My mil did come too, though. After an hour, numbing drops and a new antibiotic...we are hopefully on the mend.

Have i mentioned...

That I love love love Wednesday night tv? Mercy at 8 and Glee at 9...makes life awesome! Oh and today I'm thinking surprise rainbow cupcakes for Dawsons birthday. What could be better than unwrapping a plain chocolate cupcake to find under all that gooey chocolate frosting a happu rainbow?! Of course this will change tomorrow bc last night I was going to bake, create and decorate a fire truck cake...maybe I can do a rainbow firetruck cake? OR I could do zebra!! Yeah Dawson's a boy, Daniel would die if I made a zebra cake.

Dawson's Invitations!!!

So, Dawson is having a firefighter theme party, complete with the party being at the fire department. I knew that I wanted invitations that were classy and wonderful but not too childish or too uppity....so I turned to Janell who is the owner of www.mycardsbetterthanyours.com and www.mycardsbetterthanyours.blogspot.com and she created a lovely card for me, that is better than anything I could have ever imagined...I was totally in love with it from the very beginning! In my opinion she made something better than any other site, it's one of a kind, and she created it specifically for me!! It's not cookie cutter at all and I can't tell you enough how impressed I am. Clearly I've blacked out the personal details, but seriously please check out her site for any of your card needs...also in my personal opinion, she's CHEAP, super cheap...TOO cheap...she should charge much more than she does.

I'm the luckiest woman alive!

I was laying here in my bed frustrated that Dawson refused to sleep longer than an hour in his crib when it hit me...what right do I have to be aggrivated by this? How many women would give their life to be able to have their baby next to them whether it's bed time or not. How many women are without their child for one reason or another?! In ten months I haven't faced losing my child or the pains of the PICU. I don't know what its like to pray that my child makes it through the night every night but really doubt that he will. I don't know what its like to watch my son struggle to do something as simple as breathe...I am truly the most blessed woman on the planet and sometimes I have to remind myself of that. How many women will never know what its like to pull their baby off the baby gate,again and again and just one more time. Or pick up the toys off the floor or wash the bottles and sippy cups for the million and one time. I'm the lucky one.how man women would give up everything they had and then some to hear their son sa "mama" over and over or give him a bath and pretend to be oirates. Why do I take this for granted. I have a miracle happening to me every single day and that miracle is my son. Every moment he breathes makes my the luckiest woman alive. Every time he smiles,laughs,or cries I'm blessed all over again. God gave me thias wonderful creature and I'm so blessed to have him.

quick pic

I haven't uploaded a single pic we took,but here's one from my phone.

Happy Halloween!

Our little spider conked out by 730 but it was fun! Hope you had a great evening too!

What does being a mom mean exactly: unconditional love, absolutley 100% no questions asked no doubts about it unconditional love. It's the most amazing thing.

Wow I'm on the most boring teleconference EVER and my blackberry and the texts from last night app just became my best friend. Why do I work again?

I completely forgot to tell you that D is going to be the itsy bitsy spider for Halloween. I'm super excited about it!

catching up

I've spent the last hour or so catching up on posts... That was actually a lot fun. With
D at the age he's at now I het very little non baby interaction. I definitely miss that. I love
D more that anything but he sure keeps me busy! He's *this* close to walking and I feel like I'm constantly chasing him around or making sure he isn't going to fall down or that he can't get to anything he isn't supposed to have... Then at about 9:30 I collapse into bed and drift to dreamland for about 4 hours until D wakes up to eat and then back to sleep. We certainly aren't sleeping through the night but I can handle getting up once as oppopsed to three or four times. One thing that has changed in the last few months: I'm not sure that I want anymore children...I love this age, I don't know if I ever want a newborn again, I guess we'll see!

First Day and a little bit more

My first day was great, Thanks for asking, Jenna... I'm absolutely thrilled that I took this job...it's a great move for me and my family. Dawson is absolutely wonderful...aside from not sleeping through the night, we are doing great...we do only get up once and he does start out his night in his crib, so hopefully before he's one, he'll actually be in his crib, by himself, and sleeping through the night....that's my hope anyway! I also have a 3 month goal myself...sex twice a week at the minimum and a 10lb weight loss...both totally obtainable...now I'm going to catch up on the other blogs that I read!

I'm sorry!!

I realize I've kinda disappeared...okay not kinda, I did...and I'll even admit I haven't been reading anyones blog at all....but I do have a kinda good excuse. I lost the charger to my laptop..and work has been super crazy...I barely have time to check my email! So I've been off the internet for a few weeks..and that's been weird! No web time, no web friends, no web anything....makes for a super simple life, I 'll give you that!

Dawson is doing super wonderful...and so are Daniel and I. No real updates...but I do start my new job on 9/28/09! I'm very excited about that!

Okay, about the job...

So as most of you know I work for a quite large University Medical facility....or a large teaching hospital..however you want to look at it...anyway, I've slowly begun to loathe my current position b/c of a LOT of extra work with no extra pay...so I started looking at positions I could transfer too...and I found a job as a "Practice Operations Specialist" with the children's portion of this very large teaching hospital...and I'm super excited...for one I'm over all the audting of the outpatient clinics, and for 2 it's with the children's hospital, which is AWESOME...and it's a significant pay increase!

I got it!!!

I got the job, yes the "dream" job that I interviewed for in June....I start September 28!! Can't WAIT!!

I've been such a bad blogger lately!! I've been SUPER busy at work and I kinda got fussed at for my internet time and when I'm home D is main priority...I'm lucky to get my email checked! Things are going GREAT here and I have no complaints at all. I did go back for another interview for that job I interviewed for a couple of months ago...so I'm keeping my fingers crossed....Dawson is growing like a weed. At his 6 month appt he was 19.6, then he was sick for that week with the tummy issues and dropped to 19.4, but today I weighed him and he was 20.8...so he's definitely growing up! Oh and he got a new toy!! check it out!

Finding myself...

Devin wrote something that inspired me...so I'm going to take on the task of finding Mandie again. 17 months ago, I became "mommy"...and being Mandie has suffered. I am now mommy, employee, wife, chauffeur, cook, personal assistant, appointment maker, money payer, etc.

But somewhere in all of that, Mandie has to fit too. I have to seperate myself from all of those other titles and remember that I am still a person, and that I still have wants and needs too. I am not just someone' s mom or wife or employee...I am still a woman and I still have things that I want to accomplish. Places I want to go. Things I want to do. and emotions I want to feel. I'd be lying if I said since D was born, well actually, since I was pregnant, that my sex life has flourished. B/C it hasn't. It's been rough, and a chore, and not one I enjoy. I have to find my passion and my sexuality again. My marriage is great, minus this one HUGE issue..and I can fix this, and I'm going to!

Car seats...

I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, everyone is entitled to their own choices..but I have a soap box I need to stand on, and I'm going to. I have an 8 month old. He weighs 20lbs, and until he's reached 35lbs (or the height limit) he WILL stay rear facing in the car...in EVERY car...with EVERY person he ever rides with...PERIOD. The AAP reccomends that children stay rear facing as long as possible...and research backs this. Their is no denying research, their is no denying facts, their is no denying that extended rear facing is the safest way for a child to ride in the car...Even the AAP is jumping on board and saying 2 years of age is the EARLIEST a child should be turned around, but hold out as long as possible...

Okay, so most people know these facts, but if I have gone out of my way to show you the research, and I've preached it to you several times, why would you turn your TINY 15 month old around? You are my friend, I care more than you know about the safety of your baby, but yet, this one tiny thing that you could do that could literally save your child's life, and you ignore me on it.

Yes it's every parent's choice, but I just can't fathom this one.

What we've learned....

I say "we" b/c Dawson is an extension of me, and when he learns, I learn. When he's happy, I'm happy. When he's upset, I'm upset. So in wrap up, Dawson is a part of me, and I'll never be an "I" again. Everything I do affects us, everything I decide affects us, every decision I make, affects us.

So the things that Dawson has accomplished since he was born....he can roll, EVERYWHERE... He can crawl all over the place and he's quick! He can pull up, and he does it all the time. He can smile like it's no one's business. He can "talk" baby language, but it's still talking. He can eat anything that I'm eating, as long as it's mushy!

Things I have learned from being his mom for 7.5 months...My heart is officially on the outside, and every time I look at him, it swells with more love. Emotions are more than happy and sad...there is an indescribable feeling that a mom has for her child.."Love" doesn't do it. This feeling surpasses love...by far. Some things just don't matter anymore. My husband is the greatest man on earth b/c he helped make my precious little guy. Time really does FLY by. Something as "small" as crawling makes my year. I can honestly say that I'd die for someone, and not even think about it. I'd give D the heart out of my chest if it meant he'd live for 100 years. My son, is the most precious gift God could have given me.

This isn't even half of what "we" have learned these past few months...but it's a start.

Guess what I found!!

Here's the beach pictures! The guy that's holding D that isn't Daniel is my brother in law, Adam...and the girl with me that's got a little girl is my friend, Heather and her little girl, Sydney..who also happens to be Dawson's future girlfriend!

I don't want to

I don't want to talk about letting my precious lil bit cry, so I'm not..just know that a part of me feels like my heart is dying everytime we do this, and I'm not sold on the idea and I might stop. Undecided...

Anyway, I've been promising pictures of D at the beach for a week now and I can't find my stupid USB cord...so I'm going to show you other pictures of D instead, and I promise, when I find the cord, the pics will be up!!

Night number 2...CIO

I don't want anyone to think that this has been easy for me...b/c it isn't. I just spent the last hour watching and listening to my child scream for me...and every time I would go in, comfort him, get him calmer, and then I'd walk away and he'd wail again...and this breaks my heart. I'm hurting inside listening to my child...but I love him, and I want more children, and I want more children sooner than later...and if I don't change something SOON I'm going to cave...I'm going to lose it, my marriage is suffering, my child is an impossible sleeper. My husband hasn't slept a full night in our bed since D was 3 months old...I HAVE to do this. I've tried waiting it out, hoping that he would transition himself into this, and he hasn't...he's 7 months old, and he needs sleep just like I do. Matter of fact, he's growing, and his brain is growing and he needs sleep MORE than I do. This is important for our family...and I'm not a bad mom. I'm full of mommy guilt and this will probably pale in comparison to the things I'll have to endure with D later in life, but right now at this instance this is the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

The hardest thing I've ever had to do...

and I just did it...and that was to put my heart into ferberizing (that's the method we used) my child for the first night...I've tried 3 times before this and gave up, bawling, in 3...this time 40 minutes, a diaper change for D, and a shot of vodka later, I have a child snoring away in his crib...and for the first time since he was born, I didn't have to rock him to sleep. Don't be fooled...as excited as I am that he's sleeping soundly right now, I'm terrified of any wake ups tonight, and even more afraid of tomorrow night...and I'm serioulsy struggling with mommy guilt. Now I need to go find my USB cord to upload those pictures from the beach that I promised.

Phew....

It's been a busy week! We made it home from the beach on Friday evening, and I feel like I've been going non stop!! We did however, have a GREAT time, and I have tons of pictures I need to download and show off. It's always nice to come home after vacation, but I had my little sister house and pet sitting, and she did some things that I don't appreciate and I'm pretty pissed off about ( stealing my clothes, jewelry and some cash) but I'm not dwelling on it, and it's been fixed...yes I'm very angry with her, but we'll probably work it out eventually. It just sucks when you can't even trust your own sister. Anyway, Dawson LOVED the beach...he loves being outside and people watching so he had tons of fun! We also went to the outlet stores and found some great deals for D for the winter! I don't even know where to start for the blog catching up, but I'm headed that way!

Sick baby....

so we've had yucky diarrhea for 5 days now...Started on Sunday, and while we're not having 8 diapers a day, I'd say we're still getting 5-6. You name it, I've tried it...and nothings working....this sucks. The good news is, that Dawson does seem to feel okay, he's just going to the bathroom a lot and I'm definitely watching for ANY sign of dehydration.

Update! So I spoke too soon, today, alone we've already had 9-10 diapers and he's only been awake for 11 hours.

Expert?

So I was reading today, and apparently, Tori Spelling is an parenting EXPERT!! Yes, ditzy, virginal Donna Martin is a parenting expert. Now don't get me wrong, I like Tori Spelling as much as the next girl. I watched 90210, all the TV movies, and I enjoy Tori and Dean, but being a parent, doesn't mean you're an "expert" so to speak. If that's the case, I'm an expert dog parent (since I have 3) I must also be a grass expert since I have a front yard full of grass...I mean seriously, Tori Spelling, a parenting expert?!

No title...

just catching up! Now that D is crawling, he's into EVERYTHING!! If he can reach it, touch it, grab it, put it in his mouth, etc...he does! I finally took the bassinet part of the PNP out, and he's happily playing in the bottom of the PNP while I sit here typing. Have I mentioned I have the best baby on the planet?! He's awesome! We're down to mostly waking only once a night, which is great for Mommy and Daddy. Dawson is saying Mama all the time, and I love it!

We had a nice 4th of July, just hanging with family and friends eating good food and watching fireworks!

We leave Saturday for the beach with my in laws, unfortunately Daniel can't come :( Sometimes life as a firefighter doesn't allow for the much time off, so we're (D and I) are cutting our 7 day trip down to 4...it sucks for me, but there's no way I can handle D all week at the beach by myself...

I officially have a crawler!!

So last night, D crawled across the living room, and I had NO time to get the video camera, so I whipped out my phone and caught it on phone video!! The quality sucks, but you can see it anyway!!

Interview, life, and more.

I interviewed for a job at our huge Children's hospital, today. I really really really want this job, so keep your fingers crossed for me. I've turned down 3 jobs in 6 months so knowing my karma, I won't be offered this one since I want it so badly. Not only is this my dream job, it's more money, and an amazing opportunity...oh I really want this job! I was the first interview of 7, so maybe I'm top on the list or just the first one that applied, who knows.

Life is hectic right now, some things going on that I need to get situated, but all in all things are good.

Also, I'm going private. Email me at mivie0513 at yahoo dot com. I'm doing this for several reasons:

1. It's becoming more a trend, and I agree with the reasons why.
2. There are some things that I really want to talk about but don't b/c well I never know who's reading...
3. I have found that recently, I'm becoming more aware of the scary people and the freaks that are online.

Where to start!

So after my last post, the last major thing I broke was the copier at work...then I passed my bad luck on to my friend Heather...and she ran out of gas after leaving my house...sorry Heather! Father's day was nice! First and foremost, it was pretty much the first time I had seen my husband in the 3 days leading up to it...new Fire Department, new shifts to contend with, and apparently 72 hours not seeing him is going to be normal..I don't so much mind it, but I know how difficult it will be for him to be away from Dawson..I'll miss him, but I'm an adult and I understand..D's just a baby, so he doesn't :( I know this is Daniel's "dream job" but it still kinda sucks. No it really sucks..and when I say we don't see him for 72 hours, I literally mean we don't see him....

Anyway, Father's Day was fun...I'm glad it turned out well. Work is super busy.... and none of this really matters when you check out my precious boy!

God hates me...

Okay, I know that God doesn't really hate me, but I must have a black cloud looming!

Friday night my air conditioning in my house went out, yesterday on the way home the air conditioner in my Tahoe went out, and then this morning, I was going to drive my honda, and the power steering went out. And the topper is, I don't really have the money to fix any of it...I mean I have it, but it's not what I want to spend my money on...I'm going to play the lottery, my luck can't get that much worse.

WAIT, HOLD THE PRESS-My Hot water heater just blew up....this blows.

My Birthday...

is Saturday...and normally, all my birthdays are like princess days...I demand all the attention and a big hoopla needs to be made..this year, I almost forgot that it was almost here. I don't think anyone really even remembers...oh well I'm too old to do reminders :( I would love a nice dinner out and some quality time with my man without a baby needing ALL my attention...we'll see.

Texts from Last Night...

Jenna was right,if you haven't checked out Texts from Last Night you need to...I spent well over an hour on my living room floor laughing hysterically while D was beside me playing in the exersaucer...if you're bored, definitely, definitely check it out!

I'm not ready for crawling!!!

but I don't think I'm going to have much of a choice!

I don't think my voice is really this annoying, but hey I'm talking to a baby! Oh, and when I said, look, I was talking to Daniel who paying us no attention!

I'm upset!

With my body! I have 20lbs left to lose from being pregnant, and I've worked my rear end off (Well tried to) to lose it. Running-check, cardio-check, strength training-check...but it won't come off! I've changed my eating habits, and it's so discouraging! Ideally in a perfect world I'd weight about 110lbs, but this isn't a perfect world, so I'll settle for 125, and I can't get there! It's killing me, and I have this horrible self image from it now...any and all advice would greatly appreciated!

UPDATE!! Janell asked for and Stephanie gave her a plan! So I stole it!
Here's my plan:
NO bread, pasta or potatoes
Fruits/Veggies for snack
Salad for lunch
and probably Salad for dinner too or grilled chicken and veggies.
Something sweet=100 calorie pack
TONS OF WATER!!
4 days a week of exercise (either cardio, weights, something!)
let's hope this works....
If all else fails, it's off to the starvation diet!

uh oh, my big mouth!!

My last post may have come across wrong...so just a quick shout out to the organizer of the message board superlatives...I'm not angry, or anything at you! You did a great job and I definitely didn't mean to offend you!! I've just realized that sometimes being super honest and open about how I feel means that I come across in a negative way! You did a superb job and I'm certainly not upset with you at all!!

Dramatic? Swimming and parks!

So on my message board I was voted most dramatic, and I'm halfway hurt about it, and halfway totally understanding. Do I call things as I see them, absolutely! I don't sugar coat things, and I don't apologize for the truth...but I don't think that I start drama, and I certainly attempt to be as friendly as possible. Eh, whatever, it's sorta a backhanded compliment. Anyway, I'm going to work on this, so that I don't come across as a drama queen, and more of the friendly person that I am.

Anyway, moving on so this weekend we took Dawson swimming for the first time! He didn't dislike it, but he wasn't jumping up and down excited...speaking of jumping up and down, we bought him a johnny jump up, but he just wants to chew on the straps. So much for jumping. We also took him to the park for a picnic and we laid on the grass (on a blanket)and watched the ducks and it was a good time. We love the sunny weekends! I'll post pictures later, I don't have my camera with me at work.

Just close your eyes and jump...

A Friend and I were discussing me staying home vs. me working. She said, Mandie, just close your eyes and jump. She said there's never a perfect time to quit work, just like there's never a perfect time to have babies. So, should I? I really want to. Part of me wants to give my notice right now. The other part of me says, pay off your debt, and then quit...and I'm going to give up some of our "luxuries" now and start putting money into the emergency fund. I'm pretty excited!

WAIT!!!! I've never mentioned that I have a super awesome boss, but I do...and he's very approachable, and he knows that I've been struggling with this...and so he asked me if in September, when we move to our almost finished new building if I was thinking about going part time...I told him I didn't know that was an option, and he told me that anything was an option, just like working 4 days instead of 5. If it was something I wanted, he'd help make it happen!!!! I'm soooo excited! I can stop all this how to work at home business b/c I can go part time!! Which means I'll have my son with me, more than I don't!! This is AMAZING!

PMS, much?

Yeah, so my previous post was a bit of PMS plus some legitimate upsets I have...but I'm working on it, and I changed my blog background, and that makes me happy!

Realization....

Do stay at home moms realize the luxury that they have? I long for this, I want to stay home. I want to cry when I go to work b/c that means I'm leaving Dawson with a sitter and she's doing all the work, and he'll rather be with her than me, at some point. And that breaks my heart. I want to quit. I want to stay home with my son. I want to raise him. I want him to want to be with me more than anyone else. I wish I didn't have bills. I wish Daniel made more money. I wish I had married rich. I wish I could be with my son all the time. Simple fact is, I can NOT afford it. I just can't. I hate this, and I'm miserable. I just want to have enough money to pay my bills and be with Dawson. I wonder if there's something out there that I could do, at night even, and still be able to stay with him.

My marriage is crumbling. I find myself not even wanting to be around Daniel right now. He needs my attention, Dawson gets all my attention and everything else just gets neglected. I long for Daniel's nights at work, so atleast while I'm doing all the work, I'm not mad at him for not helping...and he does help, he just doesn't help the way that I want him too, and it's not fair for me to tell him how to help. He's an amazing father, but he doesn't understand that I'm only one person, and I can't be the main person for everyone. I need my time too, and when I take it, he acts all bitter about it. No we don't have sex often, I'm tired! My son doesn't sleep, so I'm up all night, work atleast 40 hours a week, and well when I look at the bed, I think sleep.

I've got to make some changes in my life. I've got to get my marriage back to a healthy level. Daniel, myself and Dawson are suffering b/c of this and they don't even know it. I spend so much time worrying about them, that I forget that I'm important too, and if I'm not taken care of, no one is truly taken care of.

It's hard being the rock of a family.

I've got to start updating more....

But that's beside the point. It's been very busy around here. This weekend was full of birthday parties and concerts, and trying to sleep. Speaking of sleep, my child doesn't!

Last night, he literally tossed and turned all night, and that of course kept me awake. I'm not really sure what was going on with him, but this is 2 nights in a row, and I was late for work b/c of it.

Hmm..I cut all my hair off and it's pretty blonde now. I'll have to remember to post a picture.

Daniel's getting on my last nerve, but that's what husbands do!

Work is work, and it's pissing me off and making me REALLY REALLY want to be a stay at home mom....working on paying some stuff off to make that happen.

Well let's see, not much else to talk about...but I did want to atleast give a little update!

Thankful Tuesday!

I haven't done this in a few weeks, but I definitely need to remember who I'm thankful for and what I'm thankful for.

1. First and Foremost, I'm thankful that I'm a mom. My son is the most amazing creature alive and he is my heart, soul and reason for breathing. I live for him, and I'd die for him.

2. Secondly I'm thankful that God is allowing me to watch D grow. This is the most precious gift in the world, one that I must remember not to take for granted.

3. I'm very thankful for my husband, who despite my many mistakes, and my MANY flaws, loves me anyway. I'm not perfect, and I never will be, but I will spend everyday of my life with him, trying to be the kind of wife he deserves.

4. I'm thankful for my mom, she teaches me a lot and I pray for her daily. She's an amazingly strong woman.

5. I'm thankful for my sisters, for they have shown me the true meaning of unconditional love.

6. I'm thankful for my neice and nephew, they are the abundance of childhood, and I love them for their innocence.

7. I'm thankful for my mother and father in law, they love me as if I were theres, and forgive my many flaws, as well. They help with D so much, and I truly appreciate that.

8. I'm thankful for my friends, especially the ones that know me and love me anyway.

9. I'm thankful for my job, even though, many days I'd rather be home with my precious boy, I'm glad I'm able to provide for his well being.

1st Mother's Day

So I was pregnant on Mother's Day last year, but that didn't count. This is my FIRST Mother's Day, Ever! And, my wonderful son sent me flowers to work! I'm pretty sure he's brilliant, and ordered these himself!

I can't wait to see what my loving husband, and the father of my wondeful son has in store for Sunday.

Happy Mother's Day Ladies and men.

Swine flu...

Yes I'm scared! I don't want Dawson to get this, I'm thinking about taking several days off work, getting my MIL and FIL to take several days and keeping D away from the sitters til this blows over.

What do you do when you're whole world

is crashing down...you pick it up..I guess. Really, that's all you can do.

A tiny recap, or just plain cap b/c I haven't really talked about anything going on here...

A lady very close to me is sick, but she's fighting it, and she's going to do great! We just have to be there for her now. (Most of the people that read this, know who that lady is, but just to protect her identity for those in real life, I'd rather not elaborate on who she is.)

My dog, my poor little Simon, is not feeling well either, in fact, I had to give him some of Dawson's gas drops yesterday...my biggest fear is that it was bloat (something terrible that happens to dogs and kills them, and can only be cured with surgery, which I can't afford right now) Normally, though, bloat kills dogs within hours, and it's been over 24 hours and he's doing great now...feeling much better, and acting more like himself...so I hope he's going to be okay. Daniel and I would be devastated.

I guess my world isn't crashing down, just have some sickness to deal with.

Everything else is great! Dawson is GREAT! He had his 4 month appt the other day and he was 16.10lbs and 26 inches long, so he's growing just like he should be. A friend of mine, found out, yesterday, that she's having a boy...she's very excited. Daniel and I are great, even though we miss being able to sleep in the same bed, since Daniel's on the couch and Dawson is with me (hey we all have to sleep somehow!) Work is great, life is pretty good. And, the best part is, my child is A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Check him out in his sunglasses, how cute is he?!?!

Pictures, pictures and more...

I haven't posted since April 9, 2009, so I figured it's times to update...but I have little to say, so I'm posting pictures!! stay tuned for lots of them!