A look back and a look forward...

Taking a cue from Chelsea (even though her post isn't showing up now) I want to reflect on the last year.

In January, if someone had told me I'd be a mom by the end of the year I would have laughed...out loud, like falling over laughing. We had the miscarriage in January and I was certain motherhood wasn't in the cards for me. I was DEVASTATED...and I think that miscarriage may have caused some bonding issues while pregnant this time...obviously not an issue now...anyway, fast forward to April...and indeed motherhood was in my future...and ever since...life has just changed...and all for the better. I've come to know my husband in a way that I've never known anyone. Our relationship reached a new level. Impending parenthood brought out the responsible and intimate sides of us. I love my husband in a totally new way now. My son has made me a different woman, and I can't imagine life without him. I don't want to know what life would be like without him now. The last week has been like a dream Yes I'm tired, yes I'm on edge sometimes...yes I'm learning, but this has been the single greatest accomplishment in my life. I love my son, in a way that I can't describe...in a way that only a mother can understand. My son has definitely been the highlight of my year. and I'm sure the highlight of my life.

I'm definitely looking forward to the first year of his life, to the things I will teach him, and the things he will teach me. I'm looking forward to loving him, and spoiling him, and growing with him. I'm looking forward to the way my relationship with Daniel is going to continue to grow and mature. I love being a parent with him. He's absolutely amazing, and he loves Dawson more than anything, and it's awesome to see them together.

All in all 2008 was the greatest year of my life, and I have a feeling that it only gets better from here.

First Peds Appt.

Dawson has gained 3 oz since birth! I don't think he ever lost any weight, we left the hospital a day early and when they weighed him 12 hours after birth he was still 7lbs 6 oz. They didn't weigh him again after that...so who knows...anyway, she said he looks great! We go back in 3 weeks for the one month appt since everything was great today and he's past birth weight...

oh, and check out this handsome fellow!

hmm..bath time, equals not so much fun

Dawson did not like his first bath in the hospital, and he definitely does not like them at home either :)

Finally....Here's my son: Dawson Lee

Please excuse the loveliness that is me in these pictures, I kinda felt like a truck ran over me not too long ago but I'm feeling much better now...and not looking quite so rough...anyway, Dawson is the cutie, so take a look at him!

pissed...all these awesome pics, and I can't find my USB cord...where the f did I leave it?!!? promise guys, i'm going to find it and share all these pics ASAP!

Feeling much better

Wow, what a difference a few hours of sleep makes...Daniel got up with Dawson last night shortly after my post and sent me to bed for 4 hours, and then we both got up, got Dawson's breakfast and he went down for 3 more hours and we are both well rested now. We were having a very rough night last night, since literally my baby would scream every time I set him down. I think he was gassy, but it's okay.

I can do this, if I can give birth, run a household, work full time, I can handle little sleep.

He really is amazing.

The craziness of it all....

I can't do this...seriously...3 dogs who refuse to cooperate and scare the hell out of me...I don't even want them in the house with Dawson, and I can't kick them out b/c it's their home too!

A gorgeous, perfect child, who refuses to sleep anywhere other than my arms...and a mom who refuses to put him in the bed with her....and I refuse to let him cry it out either...

A wonderful husband who is going to go back to work and leave me to be a "single" mommy for 24 hour shifts..

600 diapers a day, laundry, trying to make time for a shower, or just to pee without a baby in my arms

what was I thinking? How the hell am I going to handle this? I don't even know where to start...

someone tell me, this does get better right?

Don't get me wrong, i adore being a mom, and I love Dawson with my whole heart, and soul, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm really cut out for this.

So surreal...

I am laying in the most uncomfortable hospital bed with this ridiculous nether region pain, and none of it matters b/c right beside me, sleeping like a baby, is my baby. Dawson Lee Ivie....and he's perfect, and this is what life is about.

Dawson made his appearance at 11:42am on December 23, 2008, screaming...which was amazing to hear!

Labor, was horrible...until the epidural...and then it was smooth sailing, until the pushing...no one told me how bad the pressure would be! I also had to push for almost two hours with no sleep and I was purely exhausted. But he is worth that and 97938498734 times more.

He was 7lbs 6 oz at birth and when checked 12 hours later, he hadn't changed, so that was great! He's feeding great and already soiled 4 diapers and wet another...he's just soooo amazing... and I'm already wrapped around his tiny fingers.

so this is love.

so you always here to go to the hospital when you can't talk or walk thru your contractions....well what do you do when you have those contractions every 6 to 7 minutes and you still aren't making any progress? You cry and try to sleep.

I think if I read another birth story, (except for Chelsea's b/c that's super exciting! Welcome to the world little Benjamin!) I'll cry...a lot. WHY can't my son be here already, and why is he waiting so long? What if something's wrong with him, and that's why he's not coming out? I'm never going to get to experience going into labor on my own b/c I'm convinced that even if I cancel my induction this week, that I'll be looking at an induction at 41 weeks...I just want my baby...I wish I could just have him right now. I hate that all the freakin family is on pins and needles waiting for him, and I just feel like I have enormous amounts of pressure to deliver the goods so to speak, and I can't....Why does my son hate me already? This isn't fair, I was born 4 weeks early and Daniel was 3 weeks early...what's wrong with Dawson that he isn't ready yet....I just want to be happy, and him to be healthy, but now I'm worried that there's a reason he's staying put, and I'm worried that he'll never come...and I just don't want to be pregnant anymore...

and to make matters worse, Daniel is working today, so no one to talk to about this. Not that he would understand anyway, he's convinced that 50 people need to be at the hospital literally waiting on Dawson to be born...ummm wrong...first of all, he's never coming out, secondly, I don't want a effin audience, third I don't want to share my son, how about that!

and I was right...

no reason to get excited..contractions are basically non-existant now :(

No reason to get my hopes up....

but I was up most of the night with contractions, and they haven't stopped, yet. I'm sure that they will, but you never know!

Tomorrow...

is probably the day that Dawson will want to make an appearance. It's inconvenient for 4 reasons, all of which have to do with plans Daniel has. Not me, I obviously, being pretty intelligent would not schedule plans for around my due date...Daniel, while intelligent, just isn't a planner....so since I know what he's got going on is important to him, we need to tell Dawson to hold off until after tomorrow. He can come tomorrow night, but he needs to wait...
Yeah right, try telling a baby what to do. That's like telling a spoiled 4 year old what to do.

so confused.

I'm torn.
Induction, no induction.
excitement of not knowing and possibly having Daniel miss most of it, and having to have his parents take me to the hospital...vs. knowing what time we'll check in and going from there....
so many decisions. I know once our little guy is here, I'll have to make all sorts of decisions, and the reality is I shouldn't be worrying too much about this b/c he could show up at anytime now and then the induction talk never would have mattered.
I was all set for this until my mother, made some lame ass comment, and now I'm second guessing everything. Will I be disappointed that I didn't wait. Will I end up with an induction at 41 weeks anyway? Will I regret being in the hospital over Christmas Eve? (probably not, my mom (ER nurse) is working, and Daniel (firefighter) is scheduled to work, so I'd be spending most of it without her, and all of it without him.
Let's say I don't do the induction, will I regret not having done it considering I very well could end up with one at 41 weeks anyway?

ahh, I was sooo excited for this a couple of days ago...and to be honest I'm definitely still more in favor of it..but still..it's a toughie.

And I don't think I'm really that miserable either....physically I'm having some pains here and there, but it's the mental thing that's killing me. It was the not knowing when and how he'd get here...and I've felt tons better since setting a date...
just frustrating.

Induction Date Set...

so, still 1 cm...she said my cervix is short, and the baby is engaged, but my cervix has decided not to open anymore...so we set an induction date...one I'm happy with, and it's completely okay if he wants to stay put til that that!

Either way, I will have a baby in my arms on December 23rd! I have to go back to the office on 12/22/08 to have another cervical check, and if my cervix is still being uncooperative, then I will be admitted that night for cervadil, and actual induction will start on 12/23...otherwise I'll go in on 12/23 :)

I'm sooo happy, and nervous, and can't believe I"m actually going to have a baby in a week's time!

Still pregnant...but hey, I'm gettting a new laptop..

so I said I wanted Dawson to wait until my new laptop came in, and it'll be in today...so I think he must have listened..or he wasn't coming anyway!
either way, new laptop today...kinda exciting. oh, and for the first time in 4 years, I went REAL grocery shopping, like spent 150.00 grocery shopping. Since Daniel works 24 hours shifts, and I don't really eat that much, I NEVER have to spend an insane amount of money at the grocery store...but I told Daniel there was NO way I was having a baby and coming home to no food in the house...so off to the grocery store we went...also, mom is going to be making us some meals after he comes, so that'll be good...really good, since my mom is a freakin amazing cook..

oh, and I actually felt kinda cute for the first time in forever. Saturday night, Daniel had one of 3 firefighter Christmas parties....it was nice to sorta look cute...huge, but still cute.

Caylee Anthony Case

I don't know if you've been following the case of the missing three year old girl in Florida, or not...I, however, haven't missed an episode of Nancy Grace since this story broke back in July.

Basically her mother probably killed her, lied about it for a month, and partied her little heart out until she got caught.

Well today, they may have finally found the little girl's remains....



and I really really hope that they did. I hope that if this mother killed her child that she truly gets all that she deserves including a lifetime of guilt and pain.
I know how cruel that sounds, but to kill your own child, throw her body in a bag, and basically toss it out of a window is disgusting and you deserve pain and agony.
I also hope that the thousands of people searching for the body of this little girl can find some closure to this case.

If it isn't Caylee, I hope that she is found soon and that closure follows.

Am I nuts?!

So about a year ago, Daniel and I decided we wanted to expand our family. In Jan/Feb we had news that we would indeed be doing just that. That was short lived, I miscarried, and I became consumed with getting pregnant again. and Obviously I did.

Now I'm sitting here thinking, there's NO WAY it's been 9 almost 10 months. There's now way that God is trusting me to care for an actual human being....there's NO WAY I can function on the tiny amounts of sleep I'm going to be getting. Wow, I can't really believe I'm going to be a mother in a few days or a couple of weeks ( who knows!) It's still very surreal to me, exciting, but surreal.

I hope it comes naturally to me b/c I'm still unsure that I can handle it. I hope that when I see him, I really do fall in love with him b/c he still feels like someone else's child. I know he's mine. I feel him everyday several time wiggling around...but he doesn't feel real, or like mine.

I wonder how Daniel feels? If I feel that he's not real yet, Daniel must feel the exact same way to an even greater extent.

Stupid Taxes....

I'm well aware that taxes are an essential part of the economy and a fact of life. I get it. I'm happy that I have a job, and that it's secure and it's okay for the taxes to come out of my pay. (Especially since I'll have a tax deduction for next year) Anyway, I get it....However, when I get a bonus don't take 600.00 out of it for taxes...That's ridiculous...it's my bonus, I earned it...don't tax it.

Simon

So we have 3 dogs, Henry, Abby and Simon (otherwise known as sims, simmons, simes or any other random name we have for him.) Simon is the dog that found us, twice.
So long story short, we adopted him, and he's the best behaved dog we have....
and this is him, thinking he's a present.
I took this on my phone, so the quality is bad, but it's sooo sweet. He sleeps there at night sometimes.



Edited to add: did you know that my doctor says that the percentage of first time mom's who's water actually breaks is only 15%?!?! Great! now, how the heck will I know if it's time to go to the hospital or not?! I mean if I go and I'm only a little dilated, they'll send me home, and I'll look like an idiot. If I wait too long, I'll have to deliver in the car....this is too much deciphering...I need a clear cut sign, like two pink lines or something that says, it's time to go!

Belly pics....

I want to be skinny again, but pregnancy I guess, hasn't been too bad. I'll be glad when the stretch marks fade, and the treadmill is my best friend... (note to self, tone arms, that last picture is nauseating.)

I want to have this baby, like 2 days ago....

Oh, I'm sick of being pregnant, having constant pains, and nothing to show for it.
I went to the doctor today for my 38 week appointment, and I'm all of a sudden, out of freakin nowhere, anemic. Given these GIANT pills to take once a day.

His heart beat was too fast, and I'm measuring 2 weeks behind, so they did an US...and of course he is only measuring 36 weeks, but they said everything looked fine. His heart rate was fine during the US. Today, he's supposedly 6lbs 9 oz. That's okay with me. I was a little baby, and so was Daniel. Can't expect too much!

Then the US tech scares the hell out of me when she asks me if I've had any gushes of fluid, or constant trickles...(which I haven't, although I'm praying for one or the other) b/c my fluid was low, but then she rechecked it and said my fluid was fine.

Why do people want to scare me?!

oh, and I'm actually going to start updating my blog.

My first post....

I'm unsure of what to write about. I know I've wanted to start a blog for a while now and thanks to 3 great women, I decided I would!

So my name is Mandie, my fireman husband is Daniel and our baby, Dawson, is due on 12/22! We are obviously thrilled and can't wait to meet him. I have to get our CD of 3d/4d ultrasound pics out so you can see him!

oh, and we have 3 dogs, who are the first babies...Henry, Abby and Simon