Putting it out there...

Okay, I’m just going to put it out there….and anyone that disagrees with me or doesn’t believe me…is WRONG* Seriously, I’m not normally like this, but after 11 months, I can tell you FOR SURE, with 100% certainty that having a baby puts one hell of a strain on your marriage. There, I’ve admitted it. I’m being honest….and I’m here to tell you that your marriage CAN survive this strain, but you have to be honest about it and admit that it’s happened. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my son with my life, I wouldn’t take anything in the world for him, and he’s worth every amount of marital strain. But, after ignoring this growing problem for 11 months, my marriage was on the verge of falling apart, and I had to combat it. The first step was admitting that I had literally let my marriage fall to the wayside, while trying to be the perfect parent. Seriously. I had/have (not sure I’m over this yet) this image of a “text book” mom and I wouldn’t/couldn’t be satisfied until I was her. Well, I’ll NEVER be that person. I’ll say this, I consider myself to be a damn good mom. My child is happy, healthy, loved and I put every ounce I have into parenting him. I’ve put myself under so much stress of trying to live up to this textbook parent that I took the fun out of being a mom. I’ve literally cried myself to sleep thinking I was ruining my child b/c he fell off the bed, or b/c I had to walk out of the room when I was frustrated with him. I was focusing so much attention on being this parent that I couldn’t focus on ANYTHING else, let alone my marriage. Now, my husband has been great through all of this. He’s been attempting to ignore the problem too, but eventually no one can ignore the obviously very large issue of not working on my marriage and totally ignoring that I’m married. Thank goodness I realized this before it was too late, and now my marriage is, once again, a work in progress.


Sex, well that’s VERY DIFFICULT with a child in the house….for most people. Now, I’ll tell you, I do have issues with my vajayjay now. I just very recently learned that I actually had a 4th degree cut/tear when I gave birth, and sex is still painful. On top of being painful, I’ve had a really hard time with my vagina being viewed as anything other than a birth place. I know that this is nuts, but being a mom made my sex drive go lower than low, it’s past non existent, it’s like it was never around in the first place. This is something that I have to work on , and it’s currently a work in progress. I never realized how important sex is to a marriage til there wasn’t any. Ladies, any advice I can give you is keep giving it up to your man, even when you don’t want to. Sex is HUGE in a marriage. Even if no one wants to admit it, it is.

Personal time totally flies out the window the day you give birth. Not joking! And for 11 months I forgot to take MY time…and it’s caught up with me, so now I’ll be taking my time often. At least once a couple of weeks. I’m still a person and I need to be able to have my own personal time to do whatever I want to do. Even if it’s just take a nap or watch a movie. And, I’m not talking time to clean the bathroom or do laundry, I’m talking time to get a pedicure or go shopping or watch what I want on TV. Cleaning the house and cooking dinner and taking care of chores and running errands is NOT personal time. Remember to take a break when you need one.

Lastly, communicate with your man. I literally hid all of the above for 11 months from my husband…I even hid the fact that I had post partum depression from him, and hid my meds. I don’t know why, I guess I thought he would judge me and tell my MIL who before I even gave birth told me PPD wasn’t real and it was an excuse women used not to be a good parent. Well, surprise surprise, she’s WRONG. PPD is real and I had it and I’ve beat it…but I hid it from my husband b/c I was scared of the judging I would get. That was stupid of me, and not something I’ll do again. If I’m going to have a strong marriage, I must communicate openly and honestly and about EVERYTHING with my man. So that’s my goal.

So to sum it up, here’s my list of goals:

1. Remember I’m married and work on my marriage the way that I did prior to having a baby.

2. Take personal time when I need it, and don’t feel guilty about it.

3. Have a healthy active sex life, even if I don’ t want to.

4. Communicate openly.

So all of the above is totally achievable, but you have to not feel guilty about it. Guilt is what has kept me in this rut the last 11 months. I thought I was being selfish and a bad mom when I did any of the above.I thought if I took the time to work on my marriage then my child would be neglected, or if I went shopping for a few hours, then I was being a bad mom for not spending that time with my child. But, when I get a break and have time to enjoy my husband or get a pedicure without having to worry about bottles and food and naps and baths, etc...I am a better mom. I can’t neglect myself, my husband, or my child, but I can take the time for all 3 to be the best they can possibly be.

*okay, you may not be wrong, but you are in the smallest minority ever, the more I talk about this, the more I realize it's TOTALLY normal.

We are now on our THIRD antibiotic in 3 weeks for the same effing ear infection. Next week I'm demanding an ENT referral!

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year more than any year I have an abundance to be thankful for...At the very top of my list is my amazing, healthy, loving and now WALKING (took off yesterday!) Son. Ill spare you all the emotions of how much I love him, but I am beyond thankful for him. Now, I can't wait to go eat turkey and dressing and mac and cheese and pumpkin pies! And I know Dawson is going to love it too!

11 months

Wow, in exactly 2 minutes, my child will be 11 months old...how freaking crazy is that?!?!? 2 years ago, we started the TTC (trying to conceive) process, and now we have an 11 month old. An 11 month old who has changed my life in every way, an 11 month old who has taught me the meaning of a mother's love...and an 11 month old who is my heart and soul. Being a mom is the single greatest achievment of my life, and I am so blessed and honored to be able to raise my child.

Happy 11 months, Dawson!

48 hours...

In the last 48 hrs Dawson has had 2 firsts...first ear infection diagnosed Tuesday, first ER trip just now. My child who never cries woke up SCREAMING for 2 hours...so up the road I went. Of course Daniels on shift how convienent. My mil did come too, though. After an hour, numbing drops and a new antibiotic...we are hopefully on the mend.

Have i mentioned...

That I love love love Wednesday night tv? Mercy at 8 and Glee at 9...makes life awesome! Oh and today I'm thinking surprise rainbow cupcakes for Dawsons birthday. What could be better than unwrapping a plain chocolate cupcake to find under all that gooey chocolate frosting a happu rainbow?! Of course this will change tomorrow bc last night I was going to bake, create and decorate a fire truck cake...maybe I can do a rainbow firetruck cake? OR I could do zebra!! Yeah Dawson's a boy, Daniel would die if I made a zebra cake.

Dawson's Invitations!!!

So, Dawson is having a firefighter theme party, complete with the party being at the fire department. I knew that I wanted invitations that were classy and wonderful but not too childish or too uppity....so I turned to Janell who is the owner of www.mycardsbetterthanyours.com and www.mycardsbetterthanyours.blogspot.com and she created a lovely card for me, that is better than anything I could have ever imagined...I was totally in love with it from the very beginning! In my opinion she made something better than any other site, it's one of a kind, and she created it specifically for me!! It's not cookie cutter at all and I can't tell you enough how impressed I am. Clearly I've blacked out the personal details, but seriously please check out her site for any of your card needs...also in my personal opinion, she's CHEAP, super cheap...TOO cheap...she should charge much more than she does.

I'm the luckiest woman alive!

I was laying here in my bed frustrated that Dawson refused to sleep longer than an hour in his crib when it hit me...what right do I have to be aggrivated by this? How many women would give their life to be able to have their baby next to them whether it's bed time or not. How many women are without their child for one reason or another?! In ten months I haven't faced losing my child or the pains of the PICU. I don't know what its like to pray that my child makes it through the night every night but really doubt that he will. I don't know what its like to watch my son struggle to do something as simple as breathe...I am truly the most blessed woman on the planet and sometimes I have to remind myself of that. How many women will never know what its like to pull their baby off the baby gate,again and again and just one more time. Or pick up the toys off the floor or wash the bottles and sippy cups for the million and one time. I'm the lucky one.how man women would give up everything they had and then some to hear their son sa "mama" over and over or give him a bath and pretend to be oirates. Why do I take this for granted. I have a miracle happening to me every single day and that miracle is my son. Every moment he breathes makes my the luckiest woman alive. Every time he smiles,laughs,or cries I'm blessed all over again. God gave me thias wonderful creature and I'm so blessed to have him.