Is anyone else a complete sucker for a good birth story??

How do (did) you know when the right time for another baby is?

Preconceived notions

We all have them. We all make them. (Even when we don't want to. Even if we claim we don't. ) We, or at least I, am very aware of the first impression I give off. People who meet me for the first time, generally walk away and probably think this exact phrase "stuck up bitch." I'm not stuck up. I'm not really a bitch either. I can put my big girl britches on and make you feel about 2 cm's tall when necessary but I don't walk around in my bitch jeans all day, every day. I am however, shy, withdrawn, and socially awkward. Believe you me, when I'm with a group of people I know and love and am comfortable with, I can throw all caution to the wind...be myself and love every minute of the party or dinner, or whatever it is. I can make small talk when needed, but generally when I don't know you....I don't talk to you....and I have a hard time getting to know you.  99% of my blog readers have not met me in real life. That's okay. I love some of ya'll anyway! 45% of the blogs I read are of people that I have NO interest in meeting in real life. I read some blogs just so that I can click the x on my reader and think to myself "what the hell?" about their posts but that's how I get my kicks in life I guess :)

Normally I'm an EXCELLENT first impression maker and am spot on on what I think about people. If I think you're a conceited bitch, you probably are. If I think you're a total sweetheart, chances are that you fit that description to a t. I'm really good at doing this in reading other's blogs too. Let me tell you, I read some of the most awesome blogs of some of the most awesome people. People that I normally would never open up to or have anything in common with, but in our writing escapades, they are the popular crowd (well at least to me.) and when they don't blog for a while, I miss them.

Now, I faulter too. Sometimes I jump to conclusions about people and I shouldn't and I have been proven wrong before. Sometimes people are actually nice even though I originally thought that they are manipulative, mean, and spiteful. It's rare though.

Unfortunately my great skill of summing people up 30 seconds is also a huge personality flaw. I don't get to really know those people that I think suck and they don't get to know me. So, my reputation of stuck up bitch follows me and I lose the great opportunity to make a new friend.

Does anyone else do this, or is it just me? This is perfectly normal behavior right?

Anyway, the point of all of the above is b/c I'm going to give you some little known facts about me since most of you don't actually know me!

1. I love old Disney movies like Cinderella and the Lion King. I mean I like Cars and Toy Story (well the original toy story is kinda old now too) but there is nothing like Lady and the Tramp of the Little Mermaid to make me all nostalgic. I've spent far too much of my adult life prior to D watching these movies and I can't wait to share them with him.

2. I've never been to Disney World and I can't WAIT to go next year. We're taking the grandparents and I'm 99% sure this visit is more for me than Dawson, but I'm super super super excited about it.

3. I'm a full time mom, employee, and student. You didn't know the student part b/c I've never talked about it. Master's here I come. ( yes I put a lot on my plate and my husband think's i'm stupid for adding this in, but since January, I've been steadily working to finishing my next degree.)  I'm not even sure why. All of my future career choices can be obtained with all the education and experience I already have, but I wanted to do it so I did.

4. I am a licensed realtor and I've never sold a house. I got my license b/c it was 500.00 to take a 2 week class and I figured why not. Then the housing market crashed and I abandoned the idea. I was only 19, so whatever.

5. I bought my house at 19. Yep, I did. and I got married one month before I turned 20. And you know what, I don't regret a single minute of it. I moved out at 18 and never went back. Well I mean I've visited, but I've never lived at home again. I guess I've just always been older than I really am.

6. I don't talk about my family much. I don't know why. I think it's out of respect for their privacy. I mean some people don't want all their business out there. I do have two sisters though. And a mom and a stepdad. And a real dad that I haven't seen since my wedding since I put my stepdad in the program as my dad b/c my biological dad is a dick and doesn't deserve the title.

7. I'm the middle child. I'm also the most successful so far and the easiest to get along with.

8. I'm a girly girl at heart, but I can't afford to be too girly.  I mean I'm still a Ross, TJ Maxx, Home goods shopper! My favorite is pink. But I love to play in the dirt too. I mean I was a cheerleader and all, but my favorite past time is a big lifted truck and some mud to play in. I can't tell you the fun my husband, before he was my husband, and I had playing in the mud. One time we got stuck for 10 hours, but it was so worth it. You don't have memories like that from sitting at home watching tv.

9. I am a South Carolinian and I LOVE it. I love my state, the southern traditions, the way many of our towns give you a small town feel with southern charm and a cold glass of sweet tea. I don't like big cities and rarely do I visit Atlanta, Charlotte, or anywhere like that. I could never live in a place like that. ( I have a small tattoo of a palm tree and crescent moon, outlined in black, colored in pink. My mom hates it. Swore she wouldn't pay for college if I got it. I called her on the way, went by and showed her and I'm paying back my own college bills. It was worth it. You're only 18 once.

10. My dream house is an old plantation home with a wrap around porch and a yard big enough to have a reason to own a tractor. And a big red barn in the back full of hay...for no reason b/c I don't want any farm animals, but I love the idea of jumping from the loft in the barn to the hay and rolling around playing in it.

What about you? Anything you don't tell everyone? How do people perceive you the first time they meet you? Are you surprised about any of the above?

Monkey Joes and some random pictures.

Dawson went to a birthday party at an inflatable place, Monkey Joes. I didn't think he'd really like it b/c I figured he was too young. I was wrong! He LOVED it!!

Oh, and a picture from this past winter, Dawson's First snow!! (It's a big deal b/c we live in SC and we never get snow....we get ice...but rarely do we get a good snow. And a good snow here is 2 whole inches :) )

And lastly, D is an outside LOVER. We spend EVERY evening on the back porch swinging and playing....and eating popsicles or just crushed up ice b/c those are his favorite....and most of the time Grandma and Papa hang out with us too!!

Bloody noses and such.

Ahh…it’s been a good week. Dawson has another freaking ear infection, but hopefully the antibiotics and drops clear him up and we won’t end up back at the ENT. Secondly, we had to deal with our very first (of many, I’m certain) nose bleed last night. I’ve made it almost 17 months having never seen my child bleed and I was dreading this moment. I didn’t know how I’d react as blood generally creeps me out and makes me feeling all lightheaded and tingly and weak in the knees. Everyone’s blood except for mine and my child’s, apparently. I handled it VERY well. No panic, cleaned him up, gave him a popsicle and all was right in the world again.

Can anyone tell me what happened to my baby b/c I’m looking at a growing little boy and have almost lost all traces of the baby I gave birth to!! They grow up SO fast.

I still have severe baby fever and I’m really looking forward to trying again next summer, being pregnant, and feeling all the excitement that comes along with that.

I have tons of new pictures that I need to share, but I have no USB cable with me today. I meant to grab it last night, but forgot with the bloody nose and what not.

We made the decision to go ahead with daycare instead of the private sitter we’ve used since D was 8 weeks old. It was a very tough decision and finally I just asked our sitter what she thought we should do. She thought and prayed on it for a few days and said she really felt like it was time for D to be with other children and now that he was older she felt like he would be fine. She’s wonderful and loves him very much so I know she really thought about it and that this was a very difficult decision for her as well. We start on 6/1. I’m nervous. VERY nervous about it. I think the daycare will be wonderful, but this is my heart we’re talking about. My life will be in the hands of strangers and that’s difficult to swallow sometimes.

As for me, I’m feeling normal again for a few consecutive weeks! YAY for me! I think I was at an all time low and really needed to pull myself up, put on my big girl britches and ask for the help I needed. Do I have some sort of mental disorder going on? I don’t know. I’m going to go back to therapy and talk it out, but I really don’t know now. I know my hormones were all out of whack and definitely needed some medication to help regulate that. As for the “am I bipolar” question, I have no idea. I do think it’s possible, but I also don’t fit a lot of the symptoms as my “mild mania” episodes rarely last more than a couple of hours (i.e cleaning the house in a hurry at 10PM at night or running around like a mad woman doing errands at 8 in the morning.) So who knows. I’ll explore it, but I do feel good mentally and physically and I’m really looking forward to the summer!

4th Anniversary

My 4th wedding anniversary is Thursday. 4 years married, going on 8 together. That’s a lot of time to spend with someone. While I can say that my husband has many many many flaws (as do I and 99% of people I know) he really and truly is a great man. He has a compassion for people in general that I envy. I guess my career in healthcare has made me slightly less than sympathetic 95% of the time. I’ve just been burned so often for my sympathy wasted on someone who was full of it and seeking drugs or free something. I know longer have to deal with these types of people and now I work behind the scenes reading very sad cases of very sick children and very happy cases of used to be very sick , but now 100% better children. My compassion for children is different than my lack of compassion for drug addicts. Children deserve all we as adults have to give. We are responsible for teaching children to be adults….hard working, loving, caring, responsible, healthy adults. Anyway, this isn’t about that. This is about my marriage. The day I married my husband was a TERRIBLE day. I handle stress very well, unless it involves me being the center of attention. I don’t really enjoy being in the spotlight and it makes me a nervous wreck. So I was irritated, stressed to the max, and grump ALL. DAY. LONG. And I didn’t make the experience that great for anyone else involved. I’m pretty sure Daniel and I weren’t even speaking to each other during our first dance. And we can’t even talk about the cake experience….(I only asked him one thing and that was to NOT spread cake all over my perfect makeup…asshole didn’t listen  ) We can laugh about it now, not so much then. So yeah, that was the wedding. The honeymoon was good, but next year on our fifth wedding anniversary (or somewhere around that) I want to take a hell of a vacation just the two of us to somewhere I’ve never been and will probably never go again. Lots of sun and alcohol. (Maybe, this might be around the time we will be working on baby # 2.) So yeah, in 4 years we’ve almost divorced twice. I was VERY difficult to live with for about 2 years….so probably my fault. We’ve had the most amazing gift given to us ever, Dawson of course. And we truly enjoy each other’s company these days. In the midst of my on and off depression for the last year we’ve had our downs when I was down, but we’ve also had some ups. We’ve struggled due to the lack of sleep. But now that’s improving and we’re improving too.


Anyway back to Daniel. He’s passionate about his career. I mean LOVES it. Which is a good thing b/c it certainly isn’t the highest paying job in the world, so he better love it. He loves life. Sometimes I watch him leave the drive way on his Harley and I can just see the love on his face. The wide open road with the wind on his skin really flatters him. He really does love it. He’s always loved motorcycles, but he bought the Harley the day after we found out I was pregnant with Dawson. So I haven’t had a chance to ride much, but I’m starting to really love it too. I’d like to take a Harley trip to Charleston this summer. Just a weekend one, but it would be fun.

He loves me. I mean he really loves me. Trust me, I’m FLAWED. I’ve been dealing with and will probably always deal with some mental instability (I’m honestly doing a ton of research on bipolar 2 disorder b/c I can distinctly point out my depressive episodes from my teenage years and my manic episodes too…and my normal episodes. I’m going to discuss this with my family doc when I go back next week. I also have a ton of issues from my less than perfect but not as bad as some childhood that I’ve probably never really dealt with. I skimmed it with my therapist last November but I really need to dive into it. I guess I’ll schedule therapy into my already very overloaded schedule.

I love him. He’s an amazing man. Even though sometimes I don’t like him. That doesn’t last long and I think that’s just part of being married.

He’s got the BEST relationship with his family. Family is so important to him so I know he’ll be wonderful and has already been wonderful in raising our family.

He’s really just an amazing person and the last 4 years have been very up and down, but overall marrying him was the best decision I’ve made so far.

Happy Mother's day to all those that are, have been, and hope to be. Let us rejoice in the miracle(s) we have today and everyday.

Fresh air

I haven’t updated in several days, on purpose. I’ve been enjoying life. Truly and really enjoying it! I feel great! Dawson is sleeping a little bit better, but not great, but still enough where I’m functioning well and not walking around like a zombie. That’s good news! One day he really will sleep well all the time, but right now I’m just enjoying the sleep we do get. Clearly my medicine is helping as I feel normal, happy, and healthy right now. Daniel and I were able to really spend some quality time together the last two weeks so that has helped too. AND I even find myself bitten by the baby bug again. I’m in severe baby fever mode. Of course the plan has always been to wait till D will be 3 before another, so Daniel and I won’t discuss it till next summer, but it feels good to actually want another baby again. There for a while, I was so low on the emotional rollercoaster that I didn’t even want to think about it. Right now, currently, it’s all I can think about. Baby this, baby that, baby names, baby clothes, baby everything. It probably doesn’t help that several real life and online friends are pregnant and one girl at work just had a baby on 5/1/10. I went shopping this weekend for clothes that actually fit since I’ve lost 20lbs and it felt good to be one size away from prepregnancy. I’d like to lose 10-15 more lbs, but I’m actually okay where I’m at for now. Shockingly. That’s all for now, work to do. I hate Mondays.