Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Maybe admitting it here will make it easier.
I'm depressed. Need to see my docotr, get medication depressed. I'm out of patience, absolutely exhausted, completely unmotivated, and dreadfully ashamed of it all. I'm supposed to be super woman, and I'm just not. I can't handle all of this and my poor child and husband catch the brunt of this. When I'm up for the twentieth time at night since D still doesn't sleep I'm out of all patience. I just want to close the door, turn off the monitor and let him scream. Either that or yell at him to just shut up and sleep. I don't do either by the way, but I want to. I don't go out with anyone anymore, mu husband called me a hermit bc I don't go anywhere. My marriage is so rocky right now that I can't believe my husband still comes home. I'm mean to him and I yell and scream and just want to cry. I've got to go to the doctor and I know it yet I'm so embarrassed. So many people have way more stressful lives than I do and handle it just fine, what's wrong with me?
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9 comments:
You think those people handle it just fine but you really don't know what happens behind closed doors. Maybe they're handling with medication. Maybe they self medicate. No one is super mom. NO ONE. I am fortunate to be a SAHM with a part time job on the side and I can't get it all done. I'll admit it to anyone who happens by. There are dirty dishes in my sink. There is a mountain of laundry waiting to be folded and put away. I'm 7mo pregnant and freaking that I'm REALLY not going to be able to handle two.
Take care of you...and that will help you take care of everyone else. Just being a wife and mother is harder than I'd ever imagined because I feel like I have to take care of everyone's everything from picking up boxers off the floor (right next to the dirty clothes hamper, i might add) to making sure my kid isn't too snotty when we go out in public, it's a hard job. Don't be embarrassed! Get thee to a doc, work out what you need to do and take care of yourself! The rest will work itself out. Oh, and from what i hear, the fights definitely get worse when a kid shows up in a marriage...its not just you (or me).
*hugs*
You are an AMAZING mom with WAY more patience than you are giving your self credit for. If my baby was not sleeping through the night I would probably yell at him or let him scream.
Get yourself some help. There is NOTHING wrong for that.
Mandie, you are wonderful, strong and a fantastic mother.
*hugs*
Please don't feel like you are alone, you are not...I was in the same spot and place you are in...I had to ask for help after my 2nd child was 5 mo old.We almost lost him at 3wks old and my life was a mess after that.Coming so close to losing a child made me scared of the world and sickness and germs...I was sooo depressed..I couldn't keep up with the house, cleaning, cooking, being mommy, wife. I didn't take medicine, I was breastfeeding and was not comfortable with it..instead my dr worked with me to find a great counselor who worked evening hrs. With his help, over 4 mo's, I was the mommy I wanted to be again and the wife my husband missed...Don't get me wrong, I still have my crappy days and I'll sit and cry them out...But for the most part I can work through them now...Being a SAHM is by far the hardest job in the world..We are expected to be super human and we can't..Heck, I am looking at a messy house right now but I am enjoying fully this nap time and doing some mommy activities .The day I finally broke down and asked for help I cried hysterically, drove to my hubbys work and told him how I felt...but I knew it was best for my children and my marraige...My son still doesn't sleep through the night and he is a month older than yours, I feel your pain...Talk to your dr, you will never regret it...I'll be praying for you..
Mandy Sleep Deficiency alone is enough to cause depression. Throw into the mix that a husband who works odd hours, working a full time job and you are bound to get that way. Nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be afraid of. I have thought about trying to get on some medicines at times too but I'm just not at the point I would allow myself to talk to someone about it yet. I think if you really feel like you need them you should try them out, nothing says you would have to stay on them long term, it could be a short term thing only and you would be better after a while. Hope you seek out and get the help you need.
Mandy, I totally understand the sleep deprivation thing. when I first went back to work I worked and then was home with the boys during the day until my husband got home, then I slept for a few hours before I went back to work. It was horrible. tHey didn't nap, they didn't sleep through the night. I was running on empty. there were so many days I called my husband at work and totally lost it. It got a lot better once our nanny started and I was able to sleep during the day and it's gotten much better since we got the boys on a sleep schedule. I know you don't want to let him CIO, but maybe it's time? He needs a well rested Mama, just like his Mama needs a well rested son.
Mandie, I know if I never got a good night's sleep I wouldn't be able to do ANYTHING during the day, much less hold down a full-time job and be any kind of decent mother or wife. In my book, you are a rock star just for functioning at all. But if you are unhappy then you need to do something about it, and it sounds like you are. There is no reason to be embarrassed in front of your doctor - there are a million reasons people get depressed, and s/he is not going to judge you. And neither are we!
Mandie you are not alone honey! Do not be embarrassed. Motherhood, wifehood, workinghood, lifehood is hard! And it is okay to ask for help, in fact you are an AMAZING super woman for recognizing there is a problem. If you need anything you have my email, just let me know. Make an appt wit hthe dr. Let your husband know you want to get better and he will be there by your side! Loves and hugs hun!
(((HUGS))) Oh Mandie, I feel so bad for you. I know you have been against CIO in the past, but it might be time to consider it. Maybe try CIO for a week or so to see if you notice a difference? He's older now, so it may take longer. But in order for you to get sleep, Dawson has to get sleep. Shut the door at bedtime, turn off the monitor, and do not go back in his room until it's time to wake up. And get some rest, lady!!!!
(((HUGS)))
I want you to know right now that you are NOT alone. I could have written this post myself. I just came to this realization myself and just accepted it. I am not doing the meds but I am going through the exact same thing! I am totally embarassed to admit I have PPD. But...I do.
You will get through this and KUDOS to you for admitting what's going on! That's the first big step! :)
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