Phew…that was kinda rough. I have never been as nervous for an appointment as I was for this one. I went in thinking that I could really explain how I was feeling rationally and easily, and as soon as I opened my mouth, the tears started flowing. I had no idea that was going to happen. My doctor asked me what was going on and I opened my mouth and choked back my tears and just told him I wasn’t functioning. We talked a while. It did help. Here’s our game plan. Dawson has to sleep. There are no longer any reasons to wait it out. We’ve got to do what we’ve got to do to get him to sleeping. Period. So, my doctor put me on an anti depressant, but also gave me a prescription for Ambien. His instructions are, take the ambien on a night when your husband is home and trust me, you won’t hear Dawson crying. Let him cry, even if it takes hours and days, let him cry. He has to sleep. Logically I already know all of this, and I don’t know how I feel about taking the Ambien, but I do have the prescription if it’s something that we want to try. I’m going at lunch time to fill the anti depressant prescription. At this point, we both feel like I really need it. Hopefully I won’t be on it too long and it’ll definitely help me to be able to make the changes that I need to make to function properly. He also says I’ve got to get out of the office. He says that just like walking, talking, sleeping, etc are learned things, that so is having fun. I used to have fun. I used to go out and I’ve got to retrain my mind to do those things again. I have instructions to go out Friday night with my husband sans baby. I have instructions to do this occasionally and sooner or later, I’ll enjoy it again.
I’m looking forward to feeling normal again, but it’s going to be a bit of a process and I’m sure I’ll have bad days and good days alike.
I also really opened up to Daniel. He had no idea I was feeling that way that I was feeling. He and I have a game plan too, but first things first, Dawson must sleep.
So an organized recap:
Start Cymbalta ASAP
Try CIO again and refuse to give in. Much reassurance that I'm not ruining my child and that if I don't do this, I'm not going to be mentally healthy. If I'm not mentally healthy, then I'm not my best. If I'm not my best, I'm not giving Dawson and my husband the best that I can give. Use the ambien if I can't take the crying, on nights when Daniel is home to be able to go to Dawson if really needed.
More date/girl nights even when I really don't want to.
I'll let you know how all of the above goes.
7 comments:
Sounds like a great plan! Keep us updated on how it goes!
Good for you for following through- you know what they say about the first step being the hardest. It sounds like you have a good plan and support to keep you on track. Keep us posted. It's hard, but each day is easier than the last and younever know- he might surprise you! It's like we had two totally different kids once they atarted sleeping through the night, we didn't even know how crabby and unhappy they were until we had REALLY happy boys. It's a new day Mandy!
Mandie, I wish we lived near each other because your life is exactly how mine was when Caleb was born six years ago. He didn't sleep (like Dawson), and I became depressed, etc. My marriage was very rocky because of it; I loved Caleb of course, but I didn't like him because he never slept; I worked full time; tried to keep a decently clean house, etc. I wish I could be there in person to help you get through this! I'm so glad you're starting meds, even though I know it's not something you want to do. Hugs! E-mail me if you want to! Fortunately, Gavin is a MUCH easier baby (he sleeps...yay!), so there is hope. And Caleb sleeps well now. ;-)
Applause! Feel better? I didn't sleep for a week before my first counseling session, which was much like yours...tears first, some talking in between, more tears and then I went home and slept for three hours straight. I felt SO much better. It's a great feeling to have a game plan, isn't it? D is old enough to know that he can manipulate with the crying. I've seen H throw down on the ground pitching a fit and then peek to see if I was watching and then get louder. He'll be fine! And in the end, he'll sleep better, you'll sleep better, everyone will be rested and happier!
Stick to your plan, don't give in...you have tons of friends online to support your weak moments! Can you nap on your lunch break? I used to do that when I was prego..go sit in my car, set my phone alarm and take a nap..just a thought.
If I lived near you, I'd take you out for a beer (or six)... :-)
Leek, you're in TN, right? And you frequent NC some, right? If so, next time I'm in TN (which is at least twice a year for Gatlinburg) or you're in NC we should definitely get together for a beer or six :)
Mandie - I'm in Memphis which is all the way on the other side of the state, on the river. :-( BOO!
My in-laws are in Winston-Salem..we go there a couple few times a year, though. I'll definitely keep you posted if we are headed that direction!! 6 beers sounds good to me!
I am so proud of you! I think the anti depressants will help out. Sometimes you just gotta take them long enough to pull you out of the mud and let the earth dry, then your will be able to tread on your own again! Ambien is a beautiful drug, used in a safe way. I had to take it once or twice way back when ( before being a mom i had a stressful job and would goe weeks without sleeping). Use it to help you guide yourself bac kt osleeping well especially while you are CIO with D! You are amazing! Keep your head up!
Hugs and smooches!!
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