Let's talk about fears. Rational, irrational, fears over the unknown.
When I was pregnant with Dawson I never contemplated the thought that at the end of 40 weeks he wouldn't come home with me. Since then I've read stories and actually know a person who experienced a still birth and I'm terrified. What if at the end of this I don't bring a baby home? How would that affect me, my husband, my son? Would I even want to try again? God willing that's not something I have to face. But it is a huge weight on my shoulders these days.
What happens if I don't love her like I do Dawson? What if he hates me for changing his life so much without even asking him? What if they never bond and get along and are never close?
Labor. Oh dreaded labor. I had a short VERY painful labor with Dawson. OMG it hurt. It really did. I haven't forgotten telling Daniel that I didn't think I could do this and felt like I was going to die. Literally. I know I felt that way. Obviously I made it through and it couldn't have been so bad because I knew when I got pregnant again that it would end with labor and delivery. I don't know if I've spoken about this but D decided about a year ago that spending the night away from me isn't so much fun. So he hasn't. He's spent a lot of evenings at my in laws but when it comes time for bed he wants to be at home in his bed. I understand it's part of his age. So how in the world am I going to work that out if I'm in the hospital? Hopefully it's only one night and they'll let me leave a day early with Allie like I did with Dawson. One night in the hospital is plenty for me, thanks. It'd be awesome if she was born early in the morning and I didn't even have to spend one night. I don't think my husband would let me leave that early though.
Since I'm a mostly stay at home mom now-what if I can't handle the stress of a newborn and a toddler and my husband won't understand and won't be a big help? I don't know how rational this is, but I can't very well ask him to help like he did with D. I was working full time then and taking care of a child wasn't my main job.
Finally, I don't know if I can handle being pregant for 3 more weeks. Mentally I'm broken. I'm so exhausted and my body hurts and sleep never happens and I'm a mess. How can I do this for 3 (or more, gulp) weeks....
6 comments:
I think we all have those fears as moms. Especially in this world of 24/7 connectedness to everyone's joys and sorrows.
I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for extra help- even if you are a SAHM. It's a transition and you will still be healing not to mention the hormone changes. Nothing wrong with needed and wanting and getting an extra hand with things.
3 weeks to go! You can do it. It was a total mental mountain for me since I delivered the boys at 36 weeks. I'd never been pregnant *that* long before and I couldn't wait until I was done. It comes soon enough though.
I know you're right. Even at 40 weeks with Dawson I was still at peace about being pregnant, it wasn't super uncomfortable for me and I was just hanging out waiting...but now it's like I just want this part over, her here, home and life to start.
I had a lot of the same fears when I was pregnant with Connor. And I think some of them are relevant, and to some extent you'll experience some of the anger from D, the exhaustion of having two and feeling like you can't make it through the day, and just feeling like you're a bad mom torn between two babies. BUT... it does get better. D will get over the resentment. The kids will get along great (most of the time) and will be great friends. And you will love A like you never thought possible. After I got out of the newborn funk (about 3 months) and felt like I could manage things on my own, I actually found myself enjoying the newborn days SO much more with Connor than with Brayden. I looked at it like a 2nd chance-- a way to go back and redo what I had wished I had done differently with B. I'm sure it will be the same with you! Hang in there!
Thanks Lindsey. We've talked before about some of the apprehensions I have going into this birth. I know somewhere in the back of my mind that I know things will be okay. Even better than they are now. It's just such a transition for me to make mentally to being a mom of one very loved very special little boy to two children. I can't imagine having that bond with another child and now I'll have to share myself with 2....scary stuff!
Big hugs to you! The first thing my MFM said to me and Rob when he met us was that due to my history of loss and the fact that it was twins meant my chances of losing one or both were over 50%. Since then it seems I am always stumbling on stories of women who lost one or both of their twins, or I have friends posting on FB about how a friend with twins went into early labor and lost the babies. I feel like part of my is frozen. We've bought a grand total of TWO outfits for our daughter and maybe 3 things for our son (preemie stuff, the rest we have) because we're still at a stage where if I go into labor the odds of both surviving are almost non existent. It's hard when you are faced with your own losses and other peoples losses. It completely ruins your innocence.
Your fears are normal, and ok to have, but try to remember you are healthy, your baby is healthy, and the odds of something happening are so low. Try to enjoy your last few weeks (as if right?) and I hope she comes soon! Remember just as every pregnancy is different so is every L&D. I am hoping you have a nice and easy one this time around!
Ugh, I totally know ALL of these fears! It's soooo normal. I had a total emotional breakdown right before Adalyn was born, just bawling about what I was about to do to Ben and would he still love me? And so on and so forth. And as for the labor, it's just a tiny blink of an eye, you're a strong mama and you'll get through it! If you had a short labor with D, you'll probably have a shorter labor this time. I was in labor for three weeks (ha, seriously!) but my active labor was just one hour. It hurt like CRAZY but was over in a flash. Hey, I'm doing it a THIRD time, I obviously didn't hate it too much. :)
Just know that most of these are very rational fears, but they all resolve themselves. Hang in there! SO close!
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