Allie: Birth Story

On 10/18/11 I checked into the hospital around 5am. I had my 39 week appointment on 10/17/11 and I was 3cm and 60-70% effaced. After that appointment I had contractions all day long and all night and lost the last bit of my mucus plug around 10pm that night. I don't know if that was all attributed to the cervical check or if it was just my body getting ready for labor. Upon check in to the hospital I was a 3-4cm and contracting. At 7:30 the doctor came in and broke my water. Contractions were completely manageable and my nurse kept telling me to ask for my epidural when I felt like I couldn't take much more. With Dawson I knew when that point was, without question. This time, contractions were so different. They hurt, I'm not going to lie, but they were manageable. I could breathe through them. I mean I was in labor and in pain, but I didn't feel like I was going to die like I did with D. It was totally different. I did ask for my epidural around 10 or 11 I think and it was amazing. It took away all the abdominal pain, but I could still completely feel and move my legs and I could feel the contractions in my perineum. They still really hurt, but because I had that feeling I knew exactly when it was time to push. My nurse checked me when I told her I felt a lot of pressure and I was completely ready to push. She said she'd be right back she was going to call the doctor. Except she didn't come right back. I called the nurse's station about 5 minutes later and told them I needed to push right NOW! They sent in a different nurse and she had me practice push through a contraction. I pushed twice and she said "Okay, we need to stop and I need to get your doctor." I was burning and I could feel her head and you can't tell a woman to stop pushing when she needs to. Her body does it for you. I NEEDED to push. It wasn't an option. I was going to whether I tried not to or not. She kept telling me to breathe through it, but like I said...when it's time to push, it's time, like it or not. My doctor barely walked in the door and gowned up and 2 pushes later Allie was out. It was awesome. I felt her little body slide out and I looked down and there was my daughter! It was honestly the most amazing feeling. I felt relief when Dawson was born after 2.5 hours of pushing, so this was a totally different feeling.

So a couple of stitches later and out goes the doctor and I send Daniel out to get Dawson from the waiting room. My beautiful first born walks in grinning from ear to ear to meet his baby sister and I'm so relieved to see him smiling and interested and happy in seeing her. I didn't know my heart could grow so much instantly but having my two babies together was amazing. Until Dawson had to leave with Grandma and Papa. He was sitting on my bed and I was trying to explain that Mommy had to stay with Allie and he looked at me with genuine fear in his eyes and almost crying and said " but I can't sleep...I can't sleep without you." and I lost it. It still makes me cry to think about it. He didn't want to leave me and I didn't want him to leave. It literally broke my heart I just wanted to go with him. I wanted to scoop Allie up take Dawson's hand and leave the hospital as fast as I could. It's not natural for a mom to have her babies away from her and this was no exception. It was awful. The next 24 hours were so hard for me. I wanted to go home so badly that I couldn't even enjoy the alone time with Allie. I felt guilty for making Dawson hurt and I was so hurt that he was hurting. I told Daniel after he left that I hoped that nothing ever happened to me because I know that Dawson would be genuinely heartbroken. My mother in law said that he stayed awake til 1am saying that he was just waiting on mommy and Allie to come home. She said he really forced himself to stay awake until he just fell over asleep sitting on the couch. He wouldn't even sleep in his bed. Which is why I begged and pleaded with the pediatrician to let us leave the next day even though they really wanted us to say 48 hours (since I'm GBS positive). I promised to bring Allie to the office the next day and watch her very closely for any signs of sepsis (even though the risk was SUPER low since I received antibiotics). She' fine. Dr appointment today was fine and since we left yesterday Dawson was much better. I have to say here that I finally understand why some women choose a home birth. After experiencing manageable contractions and the heartbreak of not being able to be with D I can say that I get it. I totally 100% get it.

I don't know if it's because I'm a 2nd time mom or the fact that my labor while a couple of hours longer was way easier but I feel almost totally normal and back to myself and haven't taken anything other than a motrin here or there to relieve any pain.

Anyway, so we left and we're home and we're adjusting. I want to write about all the emotions I've had since Allie's birth. I want to say that we're all adjusting great. I want to say that we're in a baby moon period. I have so much I want to say. But I have the world's cuddliest baby and she's super inpatient so it's already taken me 2 hours to write this. She doesn't sleep well...not surprising! But she's loveable and loves to be held and cuddled and I can't deny her that. We'll work on the sleeping thing and I'm sure in about 2 years she'll be sleeping through the night just like her big brother.