Allie: One week Old, what I've learned so far.

Allie is one week and a day old. I'm SHOCKED, AMAZED, BEWILDERED at how fast this last week has flown. I know time flies. Hello, I have an almost 3 year old that proves that, but goodness it's been a week already!!

Here's what I've learned:

1. Toddlers become a little manic when a new baby is introduced. They become even more of a handful, but just when you're frustration level has reached a new height, they do something incredibly sweet and you calm down.

2. Maybe your second baby will be a better sleeper than your first (She sleeps SO much better than D did.) I'm talking 2.5-3 hour stretches. It's awesome. For me anyway.

3. After being weepy and crying for like 3 days straight I'm over it and I might totally avoid PPD this time. I'm hoping so.

4. Patience really REALLY is a virtue.

5. Babies grow WAY too fast.

6. Baby yawns are the cutest thing ever.

7. I can appreciate the litte things more this time than last.

8. I really do have a big enough heart for both of my babies.

9. I have 2 arms and only 2 arms and I need at least 3 more.

10. My husband is a better father and husband than I could have ever hoped for.

5 Days In as a mother of 2: What I've learned.

So here I sit: 5 days into being a mother of 2, at 3:32 in the morning. I'm wide awake. Daniel and I have been taking shifts with Allie. At first I couldn't sleep through her grunts and groans and little movements. I can now, but I went to bed at 8:45 so I'm not tired now. It'll hit me at about 3 tomorrow but it'll be fine. I know I can survive sleep deprivation and she's a much better sleeper than Dawson was. We roughly get 2 hours of sleep, up to eat and a diaper change, up for about 20-30 minutes and sleep again...so far anyway. It took til day 3 for this to work itself out, but I'm not stressing it. If I know anything as an experienced mom, once you think you've got it down it changes. Go with the flow.

Emotions: As excited as I've been to meet this little girl I've experienced a WIDE range of emotions since her birth. Guilt for changing Dawson's life. Happiness-obviously. Overjoyed and overwhelmed. I find my patience thin with D and that, at first, affected the way I was looking at all of this. I'd get frustrated for D for not realizing that Allie needs me and at Allie for not realizing that D needs me. Obviously this is irrational as they are both too small to even sort of comprehend that but it's what I was feeling. The first 3 days were rough on me. I love my little boy so much and I've changed his life so much and he's acted out more because of it. He's still my loving little boy, but I can tell all of this has been hard on him. I think he's worried that I'm going to leave again (like I did to go to the hospital) and/or that Allie is getting more attention. It's working itself out, but it's definitely a work in progress. I broke down last night because D decided to stay away til 3AM and the middle of the night is my sanity right now. Handling one child is much easier than 2. I felt much better after getting all of that out. I've cried a lot. Happy tears, sad tears, overwhelmed tears, fearful tears. Just a lot of tears. I know a lot of it is hormones and a lot of it is changes.

Daniel: Daniel was TERRIFIED of D when he was a newborn. It was really intimidating to him. This time around he's WONDERFUL. He's jumped right in with all of the things that took him time to do with D. Part of me is really happy about that and having him home to help has been great, but part of me is kind of worried that he'll have a stronger bond with Allie than with D. I really really hope not. D stays really close to me but I want him to have that same bond with Daniel too. I want to bond with Allie like I have with D too.

Anyway, just some late night thoughts, but here's some pictures from the last couple of weeks. We were busy before Allie with playing outside, carving pumpkins, and loving the last few days of a one childhood household. Now we're busy playing outside and loving our 2 babies.

Allie: Birth Story

On 10/18/11 I checked into the hospital around 5am. I had my 39 week appointment on 10/17/11 and I was 3cm and 60-70% effaced. After that appointment I had contractions all day long and all night and lost the last bit of my mucus plug around 10pm that night. I don't know if that was all attributed to the cervical check or if it was just my body getting ready for labor. Upon check in to the hospital I was a 3-4cm and contracting. At 7:30 the doctor came in and broke my water. Contractions were completely manageable and my nurse kept telling me to ask for my epidural when I felt like I couldn't take much more. With Dawson I knew when that point was, without question. This time, contractions were so different. They hurt, I'm not going to lie, but they were manageable. I could breathe through them. I mean I was in labor and in pain, but I didn't feel like I was going to die like I did with D. It was totally different. I did ask for my epidural around 10 or 11 I think and it was amazing. It took away all the abdominal pain, but I could still completely feel and move my legs and I could feel the contractions in my perineum. They still really hurt, but because I had that feeling I knew exactly when it was time to push. My nurse checked me when I told her I felt a lot of pressure and I was completely ready to push. She said she'd be right back she was going to call the doctor. Except she didn't come right back. I called the nurse's station about 5 minutes later and told them I needed to push right NOW! They sent in a different nurse and she had me practice push through a contraction. I pushed twice and she said "Okay, we need to stop and I need to get your doctor." I was burning and I could feel her head and you can't tell a woman to stop pushing when she needs to. Her body does it for you. I NEEDED to push. It wasn't an option. I was going to whether I tried not to or not. She kept telling me to breathe through it, but like I said...when it's time to push, it's time, like it or not. My doctor barely walked in the door and gowned up and 2 pushes later Allie was out. It was awesome. I felt her little body slide out and I looked down and there was my daughter! It was honestly the most amazing feeling. I felt relief when Dawson was born after 2.5 hours of pushing, so this was a totally different feeling.

So a couple of stitches later and out goes the doctor and I send Daniel out to get Dawson from the waiting room. My beautiful first born walks in grinning from ear to ear to meet his baby sister and I'm so relieved to see him smiling and interested and happy in seeing her. I didn't know my heart could grow so much instantly but having my two babies together was amazing. Until Dawson had to leave with Grandma and Papa. He was sitting on my bed and I was trying to explain that Mommy had to stay with Allie and he looked at me with genuine fear in his eyes and almost crying and said " but I can't sleep...I can't sleep without you." and I lost it. It still makes me cry to think about it. He didn't want to leave me and I didn't want him to leave. It literally broke my heart I just wanted to go with him. I wanted to scoop Allie up take Dawson's hand and leave the hospital as fast as I could. It's not natural for a mom to have her babies away from her and this was no exception. It was awful. The next 24 hours were so hard for me. I wanted to go home so badly that I couldn't even enjoy the alone time with Allie. I felt guilty for making Dawson hurt and I was so hurt that he was hurting. I told Daniel after he left that I hoped that nothing ever happened to me because I know that Dawson would be genuinely heartbroken. My mother in law said that he stayed awake til 1am saying that he was just waiting on mommy and Allie to come home. She said he really forced himself to stay awake until he just fell over asleep sitting on the couch. He wouldn't even sleep in his bed. Which is why I begged and pleaded with the pediatrician to let us leave the next day even though they really wanted us to say 48 hours (since I'm GBS positive). I promised to bring Allie to the office the next day and watch her very closely for any signs of sepsis (even though the risk was SUPER low since I received antibiotics). She' fine. Dr appointment today was fine and since we left yesterday Dawson was much better. I have to say here that I finally understand why some women choose a home birth. After experiencing manageable contractions and the heartbreak of not being able to be with D I can say that I get it. I totally 100% get it.

I don't know if it's because I'm a 2nd time mom or the fact that my labor while a couple of hours longer was way easier but I feel almost totally normal and back to myself and haven't taken anything other than a motrin here or there to relieve any pain.

Anyway, so we left and we're home and we're adjusting. I want to write about all the emotions I've had since Allie's birth. I want to say that we're all adjusting great. I want to say that we're in a baby moon period. I have so much I want to say. But I have the world's cuddliest baby and she's super inpatient so it's already taken me 2 hours to write this. She doesn't sleep well...not surprising! But she's loveable and loves to be held and cuddled and I can't deny her that. We'll work on the sleeping thing and I'm sure in about 2 years she'll be sleeping through the night just like her big brother.

Allison Jewel "Allie" was born at 1:01 PM on 10/18 after 6 hours of labor and about 2 pushes. She's amazing. Pictures and birth story to come when I get home!

39 Week Cervical Check.

Had my appointment today. I'm 3cm, 70% effaced. 1 cm and 10% more effaced than last week. Doctor doesn't think it will be long before labor spontaneously happens. I kind of agree based on the contractions I've been having on and off all day. I'm also feeling very very weepy over the changes that Dawson is about to endure. His WHOLE LIFE is going to change. I know having a sibling will be wonderful because I have 2 of them myself, but I just worry so much about how all of this is going to affect him. I just feel so guilty and selfish for wanting another when Lord knows he was/is enough to be happy and content with. I know this is normal. I know it will pass, but this is what mom's do. We worry.

Allie 39 weeks (2 days)

So it's Sunday. My due date is Friday. I'm 39 weeks and 2 days. I really really hoped she'd be here by now and we'd already be home and adjusting to life with a newborn and a toddler. Not so much. I have an appointment tomorrow at 2:30. Last Monday I was 2cm and 60% effaced. I predict the same tomorrow. I have very little to say other than I'm very ready to meet her.

Decisions... Decisions...

I was induced at 40 weeks with Dawson. It was a great experience. Super fast birth, no pitocin needed because cervadil did the trick. Water broke about an hour after contractions started, went from literally 0 dilation to 10 in 3.5 hours. It was a really good experience.

I have that same option this time. Part of me doesn't want to do another induction because I want to know what it feels like to go into labor on my own (which my body is making some progress, better than last time) and the other part of me remembers how great things were with my induction with D that I'm kind of considering it again. I'm extremely nervous going past 40 weeks due to some really scary stories I've heard of meconium issues and aging placentas etc. I have some time to make my mind up but I just don't know what to do.

I plan on having another epidural so the contractions being worse with inductions doesn't bother me b/c as soon as I reach 4cms I'm asking for my epidural. I know that many people don't support inductions unless they are medically necessary. I also know that inductions can lead to c-sections etc. Natural birth can lead to c-sections. All births can lead to c-sections. I'm okay with that risk. I obviously much prefer a vaginal birth and I know that it's better for both of us if we have a vaginal birth, but if this induction were anything like my last one it would be amazing. I just can't guarantee that.

What to do, what to do....