Dramatic? Swimming and parks!

So on my message board I was voted most dramatic, and I'm halfway hurt about it, and halfway totally understanding. Do I call things as I see them, absolutely! I don't sugar coat things, and I don't apologize for the truth...but I don't think that I start drama, and I certainly attempt to be as friendly as possible. Eh, whatever, it's sorta a backhanded compliment. Anyway, I'm going to work on this, so that I don't come across as a drama queen, and more of the friendly person that I am.

Anyway, moving on so this weekend we took Dawson swimming for the first time! He didn't dislike it, but he wasn't jumping up and down excited...speaking of jumping up and down, we bought him a johnny jump up, but he just wants to chew on the straps. So much for jumping. We also took him to the park for a picnic and we laid on the grass (on a blanket)and watched the ducks and it was a good time. We love the sunny weekends! I'll post pictures later, I don't have my camera with me at work.

Just close your eyes and jump...

A Friend and I were discussing me staying home vs. me working. She said, Mandie, just close your eyes and jump. She said there's never a perfect time to quit work, just like there's never a perfect time to have babies. So, should I? I really want to. Part of me wants to give my notice right now. The other part of me says, pay off your debt, and then quit...and I'm going to give up some of our "luxuries" now and start putting money into the emergency fund. I'm pretty excited!

WAIT!!!! I've never mentioned that I have a super awesome boss, but I do...and he's very approachable, and he knows that I've been struggling with this...and so he asked me if in September, when we move to our almost finished new building if I was thinking about going part time...I told him I didn't know that was an option, and he told me that anything was an option, just like working 4 days instead of 5. If it was something I wanted, he'd help make it happen!!!! I'm soooo excited! I can stop all this how to work at home business b/c I can go part time!! Which means I'll have my son with me, more than I don't!! This is AMAZING!

PMS, much?

Yeah, so my previous post was a bit of PMS plus some legitimate upsets I have...but I'm working on it, and I changed my blog background, and that makes me happy!

Realization....

Do stay at home moms realize the luxury that they have? I long for this, I want to stay home. I want to cry when I go to work b/c that means I'm leaving Dawson with a sitter and she's doing all the work, and he'll rather be with her than me, at some point. And that breaks my heart. I want to quit. I want to stay home with my son. I want to raise him. I want him to want to be with me more than anyone else. I wish I didn't have bills. I wish Daniel made more money. I wish I had married rich. I wish I could be with my son all the time. Simple fact is, I can NOT afford it. I just can't. I hate this, and I'm miserable. I just want to have enough money to pay my bills and be with Dawson. I wonder if there's something out there that I could do, at night even, and still be able to stay with him.

My marriage is crumbling. I find myself not even wanting to be around Daniel right now. He needs my attention, Dawson gets all my attention and everything else just gets neglected. I long for Daniel's nights at work, so atleast while I'm doing all the work, I'm not mad at him for not helping...and he does help, he just doesn't help the way that I want him too, and it's not fair for me to tell him how to help. He's an amazing father, but he doesn't understand that I'm only one person, and I can't be the main person for everyone. I need my time too, and when I take it, he acts all bitter about it. No we don't have sex often, I'm tired! My son doesn't sleep, so I'm up all night, work atleast 40 hours a week, and well when I look at the bed, I think sleep.

I've got to make some changes in my life. I've got to get my marriage back to a healthy level. Daniel, myself and Dawson are suffering b/c of this and they don't even know it. I spend so much time worrying about them, that I forget that I'm important too, and if I'm not taken care of, no one is truly taken care of.

It's hard being the rock of a family.

I've got to start updating more....

But that's beside the point. It's been very busy around here. This weekend was full of birthday parties and concerts, and trying to sleep. Speaking of sleep, my child doesn't!

Last night, he literally tossed and turned all night, and that of course kept me awake. I'm not really sure what was going on with him, but this is 2 nights in a row, and I was late for work b/c of it.

Hmm..I cut all my hair off and it's pretty blonde now. I'll have to remember to post a picture.

Daniel's getting on my last nerve, but that's what husbands do!

Work is work, and it's pissing me off and making me REALLY REALLY want to be a stay at home mom....working on paying some stuff off to make that happen.

Well let's see, not much else to talk about...but I did want to atleast give a little update!

Thankful Tuesday!

I haven't done this in a few weeks, but I definitely need to remember who I'm thankful for and what I'm thankful for.

1. First and Foremost, I'm thankful that I'm a mom. My son is the most amazing creature alive and he is my heart, soul and reason for breathing. I live for him, and I'd die for him.

2. Secondly I'm thankful that God is allowing me to watch D grow. This is the most precious gift in the world, one that I must remember not to take for granted.

3. I'm very thankful for my husband, who despite my many mistakes, and my MANY flaws, loves me anyway. I'm not perfect, and I never will be, but I will spend everyday of my life with him, trying to be the kind of wife he deserves.

4. I'm thankful for my mom, she teaches me a lot and I pray for her daily. She's an amazingly strong woman.

5. I'm thankful for my sisters, for they have shown me the true meaning of unconditional love.

6. I'm thankful for my neice and nephew, they are the abundance of childhood, and I love them for their innocence.

7. I'm thankful for my mother and father in law, they love me as if I were theres, and forgive my many flaws, as well. They help with D so much, and I truly appreciate that.

8. I'm thankful for my friends, especially the ones that know me and love me anyway.

9. I'm thankful for my job, even though, many days I'd rather be home with my precious boy, I'm glad I'm able to provide for his well being.

1st Mother's Day

So I was pregnant on Mother's Day last year, but that didn't count. This is my FIRST Mother's Day, Ever! And, my wonderful son sent me flowers to work! I'm pretty sure he's brilliant, and ordered these himself!

I can't wait to see what my loving husband, and the father of my wondeful son has in store for Sunday.

Happy Mother's Day Ladies and men.