I'm going to just put this out there because maybe I'm not the only one going through this right now and maybe someone can say something encouraging or just tell me that this is normal.
When I was pregnant with Dawson I did NOT want to have sex. I didn't feel sexy. I felt weird. There was a human being inside of me and the thought of anything else inside of me was well...less than stimulating. Then D was born and I didn't want to have sex because if I had 5 minutes to myself I NEEDED that 5 minutes to do something important, like sleep. Or eat. Or cry. Or take a shower. That's just the way life is when you have a newborn. Then when D didn't sleep until he was 2, the only thing I wanted to do while he was asleep was sleep. Hello, I worked full time, never got much sleep, and was flat out exhausted. Then D started sleeping. The thought of sex seemed a little more appealing and things got better in that department. Now I'm pregnant with Allie and was sick for 14 weeks (too sick to do anything that even sort of resembled sex) and now I'm big and she moves all the time and again sex to me is incredibly strange during pregnancy. ( I know it's ME. I know I'm the one that doesn't feel attractive or want to be touched or feel like my body is my own body) I don't sleep at night much because I can't get comfortable or have to pee or something...and I just feel terrible for my husband.
He doesn't understand any of this. He still tells me all the time how attracted to me he is. How much he likes my body when I'm pregnant, and how much he still wants me. But I'm just so not into it at all. I know this is just going to push him away. I already feel completely disconnected from him sometimes and here in the last week D hasn't been falling asleep until around 12:30 at night even though he's in bed at 10. Which means if I wait til he's asleep I'm up til 1 and exhausted. I could make the effort at 3 when I get up to pee but damn that's the last thing I feel like doing. Is there a solution to this other than just giving in to keep him happy even though it's the very last thing I feel like doing?
5 comments:
I think you should just do it. You'll probably feel better I know your hubby would! Yes it seems like a huge chore when you're tired and big with child, but at the same time you need to nurture your marriage and not keep putting your husband second. I LOVED sex while pregnant with Jensen, and this time I feel the exact same way as you. I have a rule though, if it's been 4 days it's time to do it again. Your husband just wants to know you still love him and still find HIM attractive. They really don't get that we are tired and it's too much effort! But that's just part of being married. Doing things for the benefit of our spouses and marriage. Maybe you'll even enjoy it!
Amy, you're right and I do. I do that very thing it's just hard to "force" yourself to do something that you don't want to do...and then I always enjoy it but I can't bring myself to get excited for it...I think I have anxiety over the whole thing now. It sucks.
I agree completely with Amy.
However, I TOTALLY know how you feel. Unfortunuately I can't say it gets much better when #2 comes because you will find yourself even MORE exhausted than you were when you are pregnant. However... you will get to a point where you feel you are good at juggling life again, and you will feel better about your body again. This is just a phase (albeit a very long one) of our lives. Do it for him just so that when that day comes that you feel good about yourself again, your husband hasn't completely written you off.
Thanks Lindsey, I know you're both right and I am definitely going to work on that!
Girl...you aren't alone!
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