It took me a while to get excited about Allie even though she was very planned and wanted. I was so worried something would be wrong and we wouldn't end this journey with her. That's still possible, but I'm very excited to meet her now. I still have some fears though. Like what's going to happen to the relationship with me and D? I mean he's my first born and we're so close that we might as well be attached at the hip. He was meant to be mine and I was meant to be his. Will he feel like he's losing out somehow? Will I love her as much as I love him? Will she feel left out? Will he?
I know these are all fears of second time moms. I know this because I've heard it from countless moms and I've heard that your heart just grows and you just all of sudden have double the amount of love. Well, what about time? I already feel so pressed for times sometimes that it's 11:00 at night before I know it. I know these are all logical fears and I know that it will work out but I do find myself worrying about these things.
2 comments:
My second is my husband's. He prefers to be with my husband, and I think I actually rank 3rd in the family for him behind his brother. But it's really okay with me - my hands are still so full with No.1. Don't worry about it - everyone feels that way, and it's always a transition while everyone figures out their places.
If my first had been more attached to my husband than me, I think I would have been offended. This time, I'm just relieved - he still loves me tons, but I get a little space which is nice too.
April, I am actually hoping that number 2 is the husbands. He feels left out a lot with the dynamic that D and I have and I want him to know how wonderful (and sometimes overwhelming) it can be to have a little shadow all the time.
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