Well hello constant urge to vomit. Its been a while. Nice to see you today.

Terrified.

Terrified. That about sums up how I've been feeling lately. When I was pregnant with Dawson, I was comforted. Comforted even though I had the miscarriage before. I just knew that things would be okay. I had no reason to worry at first, so I didn't. I have no reason to worry that this tiny little seed in my uterus is going to be leaving me anytime soon either. But I find myself consumed with a fear that it will. I don't get an ultrasound until 12 weeks. So I won't know for another 7 weeks that everything is doing what it's supposed to do in there. I could fake something (like cramping or bleeding) and get one sooner but I don't believe in that. So I won't. I am, however, a nervous wreck. I have peed on at least 30 pregnancy tests. They all come back STRONG AND POSITIVE....no cause for worry there. But, I'm still symptomless. I know I should be happy about this fact, but honestly I'd like to feel something. I know it's early. In fact, it's too early to even see a heartbeat on the ultrasound, but it's also very nerve wracking. I wish I could be one of those girls that doesn't find out they're pregnant until like 8 weeks and get's an appointment a few days later and gets the all clear on a healthy baby. Truth is, I have no reason to worry. None. But that's still hard not to do. I know I can rent a doppler, but that will do me no good until about 10 weeks....so what's the point? I just want confirmation that things are good!! I think it's going to be a long countdown to April 13th (which is my first real appointment and ultrasound!!)

Thank you.

Thank you for all of the support regarding our baby news!!  Just some info for those that are interested. Due date is October 21, 2011. Obviously that means I'm not even 4 weeks yet....but I have a theory that I share my good news to celebrate and any bad news to have support so good or bad I'll put it here.

I feel fine right now. Not pregnant at all. I know it's because it's early, but I do wish I would feel something. I guess in a few weeks I will.

I'm still REALLY nervous about having 2 babies. Well an almost 3 year old and a baby...but I know it will work out.

Everyone is really excited for us. This will be my mom's 5th grandbaby and the 5th grandbaby (3rd, just this year!) for Daniel's family.

I really don't care either way if it's a boy or girl. I'd love for D to have a brother and I'd love being a mom to two boys. I'd also love to experience a girl so I don't mind either way. I just want a baby at the end of this.

Whoa.

Well this mornings, I am 8 days past ovulation ( I think based on some physical signs.) I got up, peed on a stick (or 2) and I got the faintest of faint lines. WOW. I'm thrilled, excited, scared and still very anxious. If you remember from my older posts, I had an early miscarriage before Dawson. So of course I'm a little on edge until I get to see a heartbeat and make it past 12 weeks. I haven't even told Daniel yet. He's not home this morning because he took the dog to the groomer's and I thought I'd see if the First Response test really can tell you 6 days before your missed period (it can.) Wow, wow, wow.

Just a quick update. Sorry for leaving you in limbo. Not pregnant, this month. But I'm not upset about it at all. Actually glad to have the 1st month over.

My short term plans.

So, today, as I'm still wondering if maybe this could be the month that I start of my journey to my second child .... I'm thinking.

1. SC, yes SOUTH CAROLINA was hit with a snow "storm" this week. We got at least 8 inches of snow and then an inch or so of ice on top of that. Which means everything has shut down and all I've been doing is eating...seriously I feel like I've been starving, but I know i'm just eating out of boredom....which leads me to the next thing I've been thinking...I've got to lose some weight!!

I am 10 pounds up from where I was when I got pregnant with Dawson and that was already 8 pounds up from my "perfect" weight, so ideally I need to lose 20 pounds. I've been kinda obsessive over this pregnancy thing so I think I'm going to switch my obsession from pregnancy to weight loss. Honestly, I know how to lose weight in a healthy way. I know all about eating right and exercising, etc....and I know what works for me...so I'll be implementing both of those things and focusing on that for now...unless of course I'm pregnant and then I'll focus on growing a baby.

Obsession or curiousity??

I promised Daniel I woudn't get obsessed over trying to get pregnant again. You see, last time, I knew exactly what day I ovulated, exactly the last day we had sex and I knew 6 days after it happened that I was pregnant with D. I tried to convince myself that buying OPK's this time were just to make sure that my fertility returned after stopping birth control. For the record, it did. Now, I'm in the 2ww and only by 5 days and I feel like I'm obsessing again...it's only been 5 days...WAY too soon to test for any possible pregnancy and I find myself already wanting to. WHAT THE HELL??? Why am I obsessing over this? If I'm pregnant, great. If I'm not we'll try again...Not even a big deal. Except that it sort of is a big deal. I don't know. This is the part of life that people forget to tell you about. You will obsess over crazy stuff, especially when you're making a life changing decision....I need patience. And a crystal ball.