Terrified.

Terrified. That about sums up how I've been feeling lately. When I was pregnant with Dawson, I was comforted. Comforted even though I had the miscarriage before. I just knew that things would be okay. I had no reason to worry at first, so I didn't. I have no reason to worry that this tiny little seed in my uterus is going to be leaving me anytime soon either. But I find myself consumed with a fear that it will. I don't get an ultrasound until 12 weeks. So I won't know for another 7 weeks that everything is doing what it's supposed to do in there. I could fake something (like cramping or bleeding) and get one sooner but I don't believe in that. So I won't. I am, however, a nervous wreck. I have peed on at least 30 pregnancy tests. They all come back STRONG AND POSITIVE....no cause for worry there. But, I'm still symptomless. I know I should be happy about this fact, but honestly I'd like to feel something. I know it's early. In fact, it's too early to even see a heartbeat on the ultrasound, but it's also very nerve wracking. I wish I could be one of those girls that doesn't find out they're pregnant until like 8 weeks and get's an appointment a few days later and gets the all clear on a healthy baby. Truth is, I have no reason to worry. None. But that's still hard not to do. I know I can rent a doppler, but that will do me no good until about 10 weeks....so what's the point? I just want confirmation that things are good!! I think it's going to be a long countdown to April 13th (which is my first real appointment and ultrasound!!)