Thank you.

Thank you for all of the support regarding our baby news!!  Just some info for those that are interested. Due date is October 21, 2011. Obviously that means I'm not even 4 weeks yet....but I have a theory that I share my good news to celebrate and any bad news to have support so good or bad I'll put it here.

I feel fine right now. Not pregnant at all. I know it's because it's early, but I do wish I would feel something. I guess in a few weeks I will.

I'm still REALLY nervous about having 2 babies. Well an almost 3 year old and a baby...but I know it will work out.

Everyone is really excited for us. This will be my mom's 5th grandbaby and the 5th grandbaby (3rd, just this year!) for Daniel's family.

I really don't care either way if it's a boy or girl. I'd love for D to have a brother and I'd love being a mom to two boys. I'd also love to experience a girl so I don't mind either way. I just want a baby at the end of this.

Whoa.

Well this mornings, I am 8 days past ovulation ( I think based on some physical signs.) I got up, peed on a stick (or 2) and I got the faintest of faint lines. WOW. I'm thrilled, excited, scared and still very anxious. If you remember from my older posts, I had an early miscarriage before Dawson. So of course I'm a little on edge until I get to see a heartbeat and make it past 12 weeks. I haven't even told Daniel yet. He's not home this morning because he took the dog to the groomer's and I thought I'd see if the First Response test really can tell you 6 days before your missed period (it can.) Wow, wow, wow.

Just a quick update. Sorry for leaving you in limbo. Not pregnant, this month. But I'm not upset about it at all. Actually glad to have the 1st month over.

My short term plans.

So, today, as I'm still wondering if maybe this could be the month that I start of my journey to my second child .... I'm thinking.

1. SC, yes SOUTH CAROLINA was hit with a snow "storm" this week. We got at least 8 inches of snow and then an inch or so of ice on top of that. Which means everything has shut down and all I've been doing is eating...seriously I feel like I've been starving, but I know i'm just eating out of boredom....which leads me to the next thing I've been thinking...I've got to lose some weight!!

I am 10 pounds up from where I was when I got pregnant with Dawson and that was already 8 pounds up from my "perfect" weight, so ideally I need to lose 20 pounds. I've been kinda obsessive over this pregnancy thing so I think I'm going to switch my obsession from pregnancy to weight loss. Honestly, I know how to lose weight in a healthy way. I know all about eating right and exercising, etc....and I know what works for me...so I'll be implementing both of those things and focusing on that for now...unless of course I'm pregnant and then I'll focus on growing a baby.

Obsession or curiousity??

I promised Daniel I woudn't get obsessed over trying to get pregnant again. You see, last time, I knew exactly what day I ovulated, exactly the last day we had sex and I knew 6 days after it happened that I was pregnant with D. I tried to convince myself that buying OPK's this time were just to make sure that my fertility returned after stopping birth control. For the record, it did. Now, I'm in the 2ww and only by 5 days and I feel like I'm obsessing again...it's only been 5 days...WAY too soon to test for any possible pregnancy and I find myself already wanting to. WHAT THE HELL??? Why am I obsessing over this? If I'm pregnant, great. If I'm not we'll try again...Not even a big deal. Except that it sort of is a big deal. I don't know. This is the part of life that people forget to tell you about. You will obsess over crazy stuff, especially when you're making a life changing decision....I need patience. And a crystal ball.

On the line...

Tonight, I'm going to be talking about my last post. You know the one that said I have stopped my birth control and am letting things happen. So here, I'm laying it on the line...I'm scared shitless of having another child. I want another child. I want Dawson to have a sibling. I want him to have a sibling before he's too old to play with one. But, I'm honest to God terrified of another child. As most of you know, Dawson did not sleep well AT all for the first 18 months of his life and only very recently started sleeping through the night and it's certainly not every single night. What if my next child is like this? What if i spend the next 5 years running off of very little sleep again? And, I've only very recently been able to get a break at night before I go to bed to just breathe. I need that time to relax and unwind from the day and to let all of that go....again...freaks me out. What if the baby has colic? What if Dawson hates being a big brother? What if Dawson tries to hurt the baby? What if I don't love the baby as much as Dawson...and most importantly, what if my first born feels rejected and lonely because Mommy and Daddy are busy with a baby....

Logically, I shouldn't even worry about this. I'm not pregnant. I have no idea when I'll be pregnant it could be a year from now....but it's still super scary to think about. Going from no kids to one kid wasn't so scary. I had no expectations because I honestly didn't have a clue what to expect...and while learning was fun, I'm settled into a pretty good routine and now I'm going to let it get all unsettled again...am I really ready for this?

3 Years Ago...

So 3 years ago today, I signed up on Fertility Friend to track my cycles since my husband and I were actively trying to conceive. 12/17/07 was the first day of the first cycle I ever tracked. Today, 12/17/2010 is 3 years later and I have just logged into FF for the first time since April 2008. I'm tracking my cycles again, and found it oddly coincidental that exactly 3 years ago I started the adventure that led me to Dawson. Now here I am at the very beginning of another adventure. One that may lead to me to an entirely different child....a second child. I don't know if this is just a coincidence, but it's certainly has me thinking about fate and chances, etc.