So very tired.

Dawson woke up last night from a great sleep into a sudden screaming, crying, only wanting to be held mess. This lasted for 2 hours. I’m talking only wanted to be held while I was standing up, no sitting down, no laying down in bed, no nothing but holding him and swaying back and forth. When he finally let me lay down in the bed at 2:30 this morning, he literally laid on top of me until he fell back asleep and then I gently rolled him off of me to sleep beside me, making sure I was still touching him so he would feel comforted. It’s so hard to know what’s wrong when they are this little. At first I thought it was his ears, but he wasn’t messing with them and when I asked him if they hurt he said no…and he’s just finishing up ten days worth of antibiotics for an ear infection…he did keep rubbing the side of the back of his head (does that make sense, like behind his ear). At first I thought it was itchy and he was scratching it, but now I’m wondering if he had a headache? I don’t know if he did or didn’t, but I stayed home with him a couple of hours this morning and he seemed okay. If he does this again, it’s off to the doctor we’ll go. Oh, and to top it all off, he’s decided he no longer wants to take meds…I mean no meds. He spits them all out even with the tricks of blowing in his face right after giving him the meds, giving tiny doses in the side and back of his cheek….the only thing that works is sneaking it into some sort of liquid which is okay for antibiotics or Zyrtec, but I can’t do that with Tylenol or motrin b/c I need him to drink all of the liquid to make sure he took it all. Frustrating. Super Frustrating.
What else is frustrating me these days…a lot of family drama. Not my family (as in Daniel, Dawson, and me) but as in my mom, step dad and sisters. Oh well, you certainly don’t have the option to pick your family.
On a brighter note, we’re going camping labor day weekend and I CAN’T WAIT!! I’m so excited! It’s amazing how much I’ve changed in the last couple of years. I used to DREAD camping trips with the bugs, shower houses, etc….now I love them. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. And I have a feeling I will only love them more as my child(ren) grow up.

Today is a day to remember

Today is a day of rememberance A chance for those who have suffered a loss to grieve and hope.

Miscarriages are such a taboo subject. Many women we know have suffered them. Many of us have suffered one or two (or more) and yet it’s not something we talk about. It’s like a silent secret bond that women share. That’s so wrong.
The moment I became pregnant for the first time, all of my dreams changed. Literally, I saw two lines and the word pregnant and my heart skipped a beat and I started planning this new life for myself. My new life was complete with this wonderful happy baby and a mommy who couldn’t imagine loving anyone or anything any more. I did get my baby, but it wasn’t a result from my first pregnancy.
Before I was pregnant with Dawson (found out in April of 2008) I experienced an incredibly painful (emotionally) day in February. One that started with a lot of blood, some blood clots, a trip to the OBGYN and an Ultrasound that revealed an empty uterus. I was pregnant and now I wasn’t. It was that simple and yet that complex. It hurt. God, it hurt. I longed for this baby. I wanted this baby. And now I was empty. I was sobbing and yet I was all cried out. I stayed in bed all day. I longed to go back to the day before when everything was okay.
I immediately started trying again…and fortunately we got pregnant in March with Dawson, but I never fully let myself enjoy my pregnancy. I was terrified that I would lose this baby too. And even though I only spent a few short days with the first pregnancy baby, I still loved and wanted that baby. I love Dawson. I love Dawson with my whole heart and no one or nothing could replace him, but sometimes I wonder what that first pregnancy would have yielded. A boy? A girl? Green Eyes? Blue Eyes?
I’ve coped and certainly don’t feel that pain anymore and I’ll even dare to say that I’ve moved on, but I certainly haven’t forgotten how much it hurt to lose that little baby. Today is a day to remember.

Profoundness

I’ve been wanting to write something profound…and well, I’ve got nothing. So I’m going to give you a list of things that I’ve realized and hopefully I can help make your life a little easier!


1. When you’re out of bandaids a new pair of shoes is giving you blisters, masking tape works just as well!

2. Crest White strips are MUCH easier to put on when looking in a mirror.

3. It sucks, like really bad, when you run out of dog food and don’t realize til 9PM. I suggest not doing this and replacing your dog food when it gets low.

4. Children will throw whatever they can in the dog’s water bowl. Be prepared for a mess.

5. When scabs are picked they bleed. Usually the bigger the scab is, the more it bleeds…but not always. Pick cautiously!

6. Strawberries are DELCIOUS especially for desert following a meal of also delicious cauliflower, carrots, mac and cheese, and broccoli.

7. There is very little that is as exciting as picking your child up when you’ve been away from them all day.

8. Men are more likely to do what you want when you refuse to give them any and give them the silent treatment.

9. If your husband has his eye on an older restored camaro, chances are when he goes to the credit union, he’s not just checking his balance, he may be taking out another loan…and he may not have discussed it with you.

10. You may have to throw a freaking fit to remind your husband that we don’t make large purchases without discussing it first and he’s NOT getting the camaro until I say it’s okay.

11. Your older sister may REALLY REALLY get on your nerves, but your sister is your sister and you should just love them despite all their flaws.

12. Camping is WAY more fun when you have kids. I can’t wait to go in a couple of weekends.

13. Lastly, if you drink a gazillion tall cold glasses of water, you will have to pee a gazillion times a day. Like at least 4 times an hour.

One of those nights

Last night, was one of those nights. You know the kind. The kind where you're in the "just before a deep sleep, sleep state" most of the night. It's like I was sleeping, but still aware of everything going on around me. The dog licking his paws, Daniel's heavy breathing, Dawson's light snores, and my mind just wouldn't shut off. Finally at 4 I went and climbed into bed with Dawson thinking that maybe I'd sleep better if I were in a different bed.

Let me back up. When D climbed out of the crib  at 16 months we tried the toddler bed for 2 nights. It was NOT successful, and if you know anything about D's sleep habits before 16 months, you know that we were still getting 3 or 4 times a night and I was getting maybe 5 hours of interrupted sleep each night. It was not good. So I said, fine, no toddler bed, I'll go ahead and bring his double mattress and box springs in his room. So we went and got his mattress and box springs, set them up on the floor in his room. Bought him some Mater (from Cars, his FAVORITE) pillow cases and blanket and we've had sleep success ever since. He was still getting up once a night in most cases, but he pretty much sleeps a solid 11 or 12 hours a night now. 8PM-8AM on the weekends 8-7 on the weekdays. I have my sanity back and it's amazing.

Anyway, instead of bringing Dawson into my bed, anytime he cries out or needs something, I'll lay down with him in his bed and comfort him or fall asleep with him in his room. I must admit this now, my "I'll never" moment when I was pregnant was that "I'll never put the baby in my bed or sleep with him" well that went out the window as soon as I realized that D being in the bed with me gave me a little bit of extra sleep. Now I miss him. I know he needs his own space, but I honestly miss cosleeping with him and sometimes I'll climb in his bed just to be close to him. And, I will most definitely 100% co sleep with our next baby from day one. Safely, of course with baby in the assigned co sleeper and me in the bed. Isn't it amazing how we, as parents, can go from one extreme to the next? Something I swore up and down I'd never do is the one thing that I absolutely LOVE.

What was the one thing you swore you'd never do as a parent and you've actually ended up doing?

They just grow up too fast.

My kid loves the outdoors. The mud, the heat, the grass, all of it. This smile proves it!

We all have one. Right?

When Dawson was born I became this sappy, love song singing, love movie crying, disney movie sobbing mommy. I love that about me. I've always been emotional, but now, those things that once didn't affect me, have now become some of the sweetest, saddest, most amazing moments. You know what I'm talking about. Little Foot's mom dies in the Land Before Time and I used to cry, but now I lose it, like full blown sobs. Same with Bambi's mom. Songs, make me cry rivers. And I have one song, that is so special to me because it's exactly how I feel about my son. I sing it to Dawson ALL THE TIME and he looks at my like I'm crazy, but whatever :)

If you didn't know, Edwin McCain is from Greenville, SC. Greenville is where I work and I live just outside of Greenville. I was raised in Greenville County. And I think he's pretty amazing, but this song is even more amazing.

And I've got to tell you, Sara Evan's version doesn't do it for me. It's gotta be this version. I can't wait to dance with my son at his wedding to this song. (yes, I know he's only 19 months old.)

Picture Heavy Post-Vacation 2010

We went to Tybee Island, GA for our week long vacation this year and we had a blast! Lots of relaxing and even a dolphin tour! It was tons of fun and D LOVED the beach. Clearly I can't post all 200 pictures I took, but here's some!
Daddy is the one with the tattoos and "LUNCLE" is Uncle Adam, Dada's brother.