I’m in a bit of a situation. Granted, a created situation. But, none-the-less, a situation. You see one year ago, I was offered and accepted my “dream job” and it’s turned out to be a great job. But, my heart is at home with Dawson. I have the option to take a part time job that will allow me more time at home with Dawson. He’ll still be in daycare probably 2 days a week, but I will certainly get more time with him. It will also save me the large amount we pay on daycare every week and most importantly, I’ll get more time with him. Here’s the kicker….in my heart, I want to do this. My head? Is screaming not to.
I was raised by a very independent women who insisted on education and having a career that could support myself and my children without the aid of another person. This was drilled in my head literally almost every day of my life. It was my goal and I have achieved that. What I didn’t know was how much I would long to be with my child on the long days at work. What I didn’t know was that my heart wouldn’t be in my career. What I didn’t know was how materialistic I’ve become and how much I hate that. My heart says this is a GREAT opportunity. My head says I’m being stupid. Why would I even logically think about letting my dream job go to a simple part time job? Why would I even consider this? Well my heart knows why. It’s the best of both worlds. My head still says it’s stupid. Financially it would even out pretty much the same when gas and daycare costs are subtracted….so really it’s an internal struggle not a financial one.
If I do this, will I be letting my mom down? Maybe. If I do this, will I be letting my family down? If I don’t do this, will I be letting myself down or my child down? You see I WANT to be the mom at all the events, the PTA mom, the classroom mom, the mom that does all the things with the school and my child. I want another child and I know that logically I cannot in no way shape or form afford daycare for two children. That cost would be significantly more than the cost of my mortgage. Right now I pay what I pay for my mortgage in daycare expenses…..
The only other issue is that right now, being in school, my current employer will give me 75% of my tuition as long as I agree to stay full time here for at least 4 more years. Is it worth it? I mean it’s a great opportunity, but really is it worth it?
9 comments:
I also feel that you should have the education and career to be able to support yourself if you should need to, however, I also feel that our kids need us. My children have been lucky that they have never been in daycare full time...it has always been part time or a family member watching them. The last 4 years or so has mainly been either my husband or I taking care of our children full time. I was the breadwinner for awhile while he was going to school and now that he has graduated..he is back to being the breadwinner and right now I am home with my children. I plan on getting a part time job or prn position soon (we just moved and I am 23 weeks pregnant) just to keep my skills (I'm an RN)...but I enjoy being with my children. If something were to happen to my husband..I could support us, I have the education and the experience to be able to do that. If I were you, I would take the part time job and spend the time with your son...this time goes so quickly and you can keep your skills/experience for if you need it later. I don't think you would be letting anyone down.
Just my 2 cents...Good Luck with your decision! I know how hard it can be.
That's a tough one! Every mom is different. We don't fit into a pretty little mold, so just because staying home is the best choice for me doesn't mean it is for everyone. I have an aunt who is SUPER career-driven and to stay home with kids for her would have been rough. She would have ended up depressed and, in the end, the kids would have been worse off. Having a happy mama is often the most important thing for a kiddo! What would make you HAPPIEST? Honestly. And don't worry about anyone else - not your mom, not your SAHM friends, not your co-workers, no one. Just take care of yourself and do what will make you happiest in the end!
I think what you should do is what feels right. However if it was me? I would take the 4 year deal, finish school, save up, and once done with school and TTC quit when I am pregnant. All that money saved up for the new baby in those years will prevent any strain with you leaving, and you have the security of knowing if something should happen you have a degree and can find work again. That's just what I would do though.
If you feel like you're missing time with Dawson, then no - it isn't worth it. If you were deeply passionate about your current career and knew that it was for sure what you wanted to do with the rest of your life, then I would say stick to it. But the thing is, if you feel like you're missing that time and you're going to look back and wish you had spent more time with him when he was young, then it's probably time to step back from the career a bit. You can always go back to that, but your son won't always be this young!
i wish you the best of luck with your difficult decision. i come from a family full of working women... my grandmother, my mother, all made (or make) more money than their spouses. i made the decision to stay home with my children, and there are certain things i can't say to my mother for fear of getting the "well, why don't you get a job?" it's very frustrating that they don't understand how wonderful it is to be able to stay at home with my kids, and it's even more frustrating that they often make me feel inferior just because i'm not the main breadwinner in the family. good luck with your decision.
That's a tough one. On paper, Amy makes an excellent case, but you want to be with Dawson in particular, not just at home in general (Am I right?)
Good luck making your decision!
It is a struggle. My cousin is struggling with the same decision between school/work/staying home to be with her kids. Honestly, I was raised to take care of myself if I needed to but I was also raised to believe that money isn't the most important thing in life. Your happiness is. I think you should do what will make you happiest. A happy mama really is better for D. And for you!!!
If it were me, I'd go part time and stay home. They aren't little for long. :-)
No one can decide for you.
I have been a stay at home mom since my children were born. I have not regretted that choice for a second.
But I also went to law school before they were born.
It is difficult to sacrifice one dream for another.
But the heart wants what it wants.
And how old will your son be in four years? How much will you have missed?
And then again, how much more will you be able to offer him if you stay at this job and get your degree?
There are no easy answers.
Either decision will be the right one.
For you.
You'll see.
That is a tough one... Since money is set aside it is truly a fight between the head and the heart. And that is never an easy struggle to endure. Honestly it is only a decision you can make. Like others have said try not to think of how it would effect any others. YOU have to be happy and only YOU can decide what that will take to be happy.
After all it is not like your education and independence will go anywhere. You worked for you education and you know your field you will always be able to go back...but will Dawson ever be 2 or 3 or 4 again? On the other hand working now might set up things better for when he is 2 or 3 or 4... It really is tough sweetie and I wish you the best with your decision...
I will leave you with the thought that following your heart leads to dreams coming true :0)
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