What you don't know.

My family=dysfunction. I don’t speak of my personal family life on my blog. It’s painful. It’s a LONG past, and frankly, I try to rise above it and move on from it daily. I’m not talking about my husband or my child or our life together…I’m talking about the family that raised me and the family that I lived with for my early part of life.
My mother-my mother is the strongest woman I know. She’s been through hell and back and is in the midst of the hardest fight of her life right now. I love my mother. But, she’s a workaholic who favors my niece over her other two grandchildren and who rarely if ever makes time to be a part of my adult life or my child’s life. If I want to see her or talk to her I have to make the effort. Frankly, I’m tired of making the effort. I can give and give, but I will never make my son give in order to win someone’s love. So I’m not giving anymore. I went a full month without calling my mom. I spoke to her twice because she called me about a work related question. (she’s an RN, and me being a coder, she had a coding question.) She’s also had a long history of failed relationships and has managed to marry every man she has dated. I’m honestly embarrassed to admit this but she’s on husband number 4.
My Father-My father is nothing more than a sperm donor to me. When he and my mom divorced when I was barely 2, he’s been pretty nonexistent. I’ve seen or talked to him here and there, but nothing that ever lasted, and I’ve never called him Dad. I haven’t talked to him since my wedding in 2006. I have no desire to and unfortunately due to no relationship with him; I also have no relationship with my two half brothers (born to him and my step mother). I used to cry myself to sleep wondering why he didn’t love me or want me, but now I’m just bitter and angry and also I have no understanding of how someone couldn’t or wouldn’t love their child and want to be with them all the time. I’m a mother now and I know what it feels like to love your child. I can’t imagine not making every effort in the world to do that.
My older sister-She’s 29, has two children. A past full of drugs, stripping, and terrible decisions. She’s also severly ADD and bipolar and on no medication for either. She tries to be a good mom, but once her children are old enough to speak, she has very little patience for them and ends up doing more harm than good. She yells at them and jumps at every chance to not be with them. She experienced some terrible things in her childhood and has never moved past them. Fortunately, she is sober, but no one knows when that could change. I had custody of her daughter a few years ago and she’s stable enough to be with her mom now, but her mom treats her like a 17 year old and not a 7 year old. It’s going to be a rocky life for my niece and nephew and legally there is nothing that I can do about it. She’s brilliant and educated and unfortunately she just can’t pull it all together. I love her and talk to her multiple times a day but I can’t fix her so I just support her and help when I can.
My little sister-She’s almost 20 and sometimes she has the maturity level of a 12 year old…but I love her. And she’ll do great things with her life as long as she keeps her head on straight. She’s in school, doing well, and is on the right path. I just hope nothing knocks her off and I hope she gets out of my mom’s house ASAP.
My step-dad-When my mom met, dated, and married my step-dad I really thought things would turn out so well. He’s a good man, a strong worker, and a loving person. Or he was. I guess he’s always been an alcoholic, but it’s severe at this point and he’s severely depressed. My mom says he’s suicidal and she’s doing everything she can to help him, but sometimes, no ALWAYS people have to help themselves. I’m pretty sure he’s trying to drink himself to death and he’s done nothing in the last 3 years but cause pain, strife, stress, and worry. I don’t allow my child around him unless I’m there too because the situation can turn volatile at a moments’ notice. And it’s rare that he’s ever allowed around him. I don’t speak to him because I have nothing to say. I want him to get help and get the hell out of my mom’s house. I want my mom to face her demons and go back to the mom I knew when I was a small child.
I have no idea how I turned out the way that I did. Don’t think that I don’t have my flaws and didn’t make my mistakes because I do and did and still do, but I moved out at 18, went to school, got married, bought a house, and now I’m raising my family with the help of my amazing husband. I’ve stumbled….good God, I’ve stumbled. I stayed away from drugs, but I’ve drank and made bad decisions. I’ve almost ruined my marriage more than once. I’ve felt unworthy and I’ve lived through a severe post partum depression that I kept hidden to myself. I’ve wanted to die and I’ve begged to feel alive. I’ve climbed and clawed my way out of some of the worst situations, but I’m here…alive and thriving. That’s all we can do as people. Take what we’ve been given and live the best life that we can. I intend to do that…every minute of every day. After all, I have every reason to want to live an amazing life and he’s about 3 feet tall.