Have you ever had something totally unexpected take you back to a completely gone and forgotten place? A song, a scent, a movie, a food, anything? I have. Last night a favorite blogger of mine wrote a post that took me back to a time in my life where I was super carefree, thought I was totally in love, and wildly passionate about a boy that I thought was going to be my forever. Good thing he wasn’t. Isn’t. Good thing. He would have ruined my life. I would have let him. Thank God for miracles that come in the form of love, compassion, and stability. My husband. Thank God for heart ache and reaching the breaking point. Thank God for walking away albeit later than I should have. Thank God for open arms, forgiveness, and a willingness to understand, trust, and love.
Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had made one single decision differently? If I hadn’t gone to the movies with a friend one night, I never would have fallen in love with my husband. I probably would be married now, but not to him. I have no idea what road my life would have taken, but I know where the road started to my current life.
I didn’t post about September 11th on Saturday. You all know my husband is a firefighter. You all know that means that what happened to those firefighters, paramedics, and police officers in 2001 weighs heavy on my heart. I haven’t forgotten. How could I? How could any of us? That could be my husband one day. Granted, we don’t have the metropolis of NYC, but he works for a large city department. He’s in tall buildings every day. I could lose him while he’s been a hero, easily. I don’t dwell on that. I prefer to think of him at work, doing his job. He’s passionate about it. I love that he loves his work. I love him. I trust him to take care of himself, but I also know him well enough to know that he’d give his own life to save another in a split second. Sometimes, if I’m being really honest, that’s hard to accept. For me, my family is number one. As selfish as it sounds, I doubt that I could give my own life to save another unless it was for my family. I can’t imagine giving up and risking being Dawson’s mother to save a complete stranger. That’s the difference in me and Daniel. That’s why I don’t work in that field.
You know what scares me? My child, the epitome of innocence and the embodiment of life…will be numbed to the evils of this world, just like we all are. We have seen some terrible terrible events in our lives. From school shootings, gang violence, terrorist attacks, to local murders…and most of us are numb to this. Of course it still evokes emotion, but we expect this. I hate to think that one day, my child, will expect this too. I wish he could stay pure from the evils of the world forever. I know he can’t….but I still wish he could.
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