Saturday, February 27, 2010
Its the late nights...
When all I want to do is sleep but I can't because I'm so overcome with emotion. Emotions of happiness and sadness and appreciation and admiration. Its the late nights when I read the stories from parents begging for miracles for their children, the stories of children fighting and struggling to make it just a few more hours...and it hits me...even though you never sleep and I'm up with you more now than when you were brand new...and I'm so tired that I want to cry and even though I really thought that tubes would be the answer to our sleep troubles and they so clearly have not been...and even though my patience are short and my energy level thin...I still have you. You're still here and you're healthy and wonderful. My love, you can keep me running on 3 hours of sleep the rest of my life, as long as I never have to know that kind of pain.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
What do I want?
I have so many dreams and to be honest I've been trying to weed out the fluff...to find out what I really want in life. Here's my short list:
To live long enough and healthy enough to see my children fall in love, get married, and have children of their own. You can only understand the miraculous emotions of being a parent once you are a parent.
To know what its like to be satisfied. I am happy and have a good life. I've got a great career a loving husband and a wonderful child...but I'm always looking...looking to improve myself, my marriage, my career, everything. When does one truly stop looking and just let this ride that is life go?
To be able to work part time.
To start planning the best Disney vacation ever.
For Dawson to SLEEP THRU THE NIGHT permanently. He teases us every few weeks with a couple good nights followed by several bad nights. I can't even consider another child until he's sleeping well 99% of the time.
To have another child. I don't know when. That changes daily. Sometimes I can't wait other times I can't imagine another, but I do know that I want D to experience the bonding that siblings have. I want him to have a built in best friend and when his parents are gone he will still have someone that knows and loves him just for being him. I don't want another child just for D but because I know in my heart that my family isn't complete yet. It sounds incredibly selfish of me to say I want another child for D but it really isn't. I don't want him or any of my future children to ever know true loneliness. I won't be here forever and.when I'm gone I don't want my children to not feel that kind of love. A sibling is one of the greatest gifts, in my opinion. That you can give your first born.
To lose ten more pounds (I've lost ten in the last two weeks!!!)
And an unlimited shoe fund.
What's on your short list?
To live long enough and healthy enough to see my children fall in love, get married, and have children of their own. You can only understand the miraculous emotions of being a parent once you are a parent.
To know what its like to be satisfied. I am happy and have a good life. I've got a great career a loving husband and a wonderful child...but I'm always looking...looking to improve myself, my marriage, my career, everything. When does one truly stop looking and just let this ride that is life go?
To be able to work part time.
To start planning the best Disney vacation ever.
For Dawson to SLEEP THRU THE NIGHT permanently. He teases us every few weeks with a couple good nights followed by several bad nights. I can't even consider another child until he's sleeping well 99% of the time.
To have another child. I don't know when. That changes daily. Sometimes I can't wait other times I can't imagine another, but I do know that I want D to experience the bonding that siblings have. I want him to have a built in best friend and when his parents are gone he will still have someone that knows and loves him just for being him. I don't want another child just for D but because I know in my heart that my family isn't complete yet. It sounds incredibly selfish of me to say I want another child for D but it really isn't. I don't want him or any of my future children to ever know true loneliness. I won't be here forever and.when I'm gone I don't want my children to not feel that kind of love. A sibling is one of the greatest gifts, in my opinion. That you can give your first born.
To lose ten more pounds (I've lost ten in the last two weeks!!!)
And an unlimited shoe fund.
What's on your short list?
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Jane was here....
This was posted on my message board...as a mom, if I lost my child, this would be one of the most touching, defining moments of my life...Please take 2 seconds to do this, seriously, I used a roll-a-dex card...
Dear family, friends, friends of friends....
I'm writing to anyone with a gentle heart. For those of you who don't know, one of my dearest friends here in Vermont, Tia, had a baby girl, Jane, born 3 months too early. Her whole ride has been very personal for me not just because she is such an incredible friend and her daughter Sarah is my Maggie's best friend, but we also got pregnant with our second around the same time. At some point our shared pregnancies took a turn in opposite directions: she first on bedrest then an emergency C section 3 months early, me going to term with a healthy delivery. While I tickled toes, she commuted to hospitals, first Dartmouth, then Boston Children's. For the last 6 months Tia has written a blog sharing Jane's story with us:
http://www.ourgirljane.blogspot.com/
(If you want to know what I've learned from Jane during this time you can see my comment (posted as Shim) under her post titled Vigil.)
So the point of this email? Jane died today. Tia has asked one favor from those of us who care-
"Before I go, I would ask one last favor. If Jane became a part of your life, if her life held meaning for you, I ask that you send a card with just the words "Jane was here" on it. I don't want sympathy cards or condolences, I just want to know that she was HERE, and THERE, wherever you are. It will help to remind me that her brief time was filled with the love of friends and family, the visible and the invisible. That her life was part of your life. That she truly was Our Girl Jane."
My friend is hurting. I want to make her feel better in any way I can and all I can think to do is ask everyone I know to send her a card to flood her with mail and let her know that her baby's life mattered. Please, if you can spare a few minutes and write "Jane was here" on any nearby paper (Tia is not concerned with fanfare!) and send it off to:
Tia McCarthy
5 Winter Street
Montpelier, VT 0560
And if you know anyone who is a softie who might add to my imagined pile of letters at her door, please forward this on to those lovely souls! I'm shooting for that scene in Miracle on 34th street at the end, you know the one!
My deepest thanks!
Love and gratitude
Allison
Dear family, friends, friends of friends....
I'm writing to anyone with a gentle heart. For those of you who don't know, one of my dearest friends here in Vermont, Tia, had a baby girl, Jane, born 3 months too early. Her whole ride has been very personal for me not just because she is such an incredible friend and her daughter Sarah is my Maggie's best friend, but we also got pregnant with our second around the same time. At some point our shared pregnancies took a turn in opposite directions: she first on bedrest then an emergency C section 3 months early, me going to term with a healthy delivery. While I tickled toes, she commuted to hospitals, first Dartmouth, then Boston Children's. For the last 6 months Tia has written a blog sharing Jane's story with us:
http://www.ourgirljane.blogspot.com/
(If you want to know what I've learned from Jane during this time you can see my comment (posted as Shim) under her post titled Vigil.)
So the point of this email? Jane died today. Tia has asked one favor from those of us who care-
"Before I go, I would ask one last favor. If Jane became a part of your life, if her life held meaning for you, I ask that you send a card with just the words "Jane was here" on it. I don't want sympathy cards or condolences, I just want to know that she was HERE, and THERE, wherever you are. It will help to remind me that her brief time was filled with the love of friends and family, the visible and the invisible. That her life was part of your life. That she truly was Our Girl Jane."
My friend is hurting. I want to make her feel better in any way I can and all I can think to do is ask everyone I know to send her a card to flood her with mail and let her know that her baby's life mattered. Please, if you can spare a few minutes and write "Jane was here" on any nearby paper (Tia is not concerned with fanfare!) and send it off to:
Tia McCarthy
5 Winter Street
Montpelier, VT 0560
And if you know anyone who is a softie who might add to my imagined pile of letters at her door, please forward this on to those lovely souls! I'm shooting for that scene in Miracle on 34th street at the end, you know the one!
My deepest thanks!
Love and gratitude
Allison
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Heart on my sleeve
I'll admit it, I'm effing lonely. My husband works his "dream" job that takes him away from his family on a regular, very regular basis. I've been couped up in this house for days with a sick sick baby and I'm actually happy that he's finally getting tubes so that these ear infections (which in 2 short months have already caused moderate scar tissue.) Really, I'm happy that my son is having surgery, that's just twisted. Said ear infections have definitely strained my marriage. I mean seriously do I really want to have sex after being up all night with a baby? I think not. Not to mention here in SC when we get winter weather life shuts down and due to aforementioned winter weather I haven't seen my husband in 36 hours plus...which just downright sucks.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I've been super slack!
I've been super slack with pictures and videos of D, so I'm going to just overload you really quick and get them out of the way!
Several months ago, Dawson learned this!
and I never thought to get a video of it, until I was reminded!
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